After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
NFHS Voice: Campaign Touts Benefits of High School Football
By
Karissa Niehoff
NFHS Executive Director
May 21, 2021
A full return to high school sports and performing arts programs – that’s the hope for this fall in schools across the country.
After a year of unprecedented challenges in keeping these programs going due to the pandemic, which included 11 states that conducted their primary football season this spring, there is great optimism as we look to a new school year.
Even in those states that were able to conduct activities last fall, attendance restrictions kept many fans out of stadiums and watching games online. However, with vaccine eligibility now at 12 years of age and older and with vaccinations continuing during the next three months, the likelihood of routines and traditions returning this fall grows stronger each day.
And there is no tradition more anticipated than the full-scale return of high school football. While there were 34 states there were fortunate enough to conduct football at some level last fall, the routines were anything but normal.
This fall, however, we anticipate a return to the energy and excitement of the 2019 season when 1,003,524 boys participated in 11-player football. That total marked a decline of only 2,489 from the previous year and was a good sign of a renewed confidence on the part of parents and student-athletes that concerns about the risk of injury were being addressed.
While boys participation in 11-player football has exceeded one million participants every year since 1999 and is overwhelmingly the most popular boys sport, there have been concerns about declines in past years.
Last fall, the NFHS and the National Football League announced a partnership to promote the growth, understanding and support for football at the high school level. The NFHS and NFL have been studying participation trends, developing educational tools and striving to restore confidence in students and parents that the sport is, in fact, more focused on risk minimization than ever before.
As a result, the springboard to the return of high school football next fall begins this week with the launch of the #ThisIsHSFootball campaign. Through this effort over the next few months, the NFHS will be reaching out to coaches, students, parents, officials, athletic directors and others with research information, participation trends and data on various risk mitigation efforts that, we believe, continues to make high school football safer than it has ever been.
As a part of this effort, the NFHS produced a video entitled “This is High School Football” designed to detail the benefits of participation in high school football.
As the video states, more so than at any other level of play, parents should feel good about their kids playing high school football.
>Here are some of the many educational and medical safeguards put in place the past 12 years to offer parents a comfort level about the safety standards that are a part of high school football.
► Concussion research and education. All NFHS high school playing rules require a student who is exhibiting signs of a concussion to be removed from the game and not allowed to return until the student has been cleared by a medical professional. Thanks to education and training on the part of students, coaches, trainers, parents and others, research data has shown positive trends in concussion rates. In a recent five-year period, concussion rates during practices dropped from 5.47 to 4.44 concussions per 10,000 athletic exposures.
► Concussion in Sport Course. This free online education course has been available through the NFHS Learning Center since 2010, and millions of individuals have taken the course for a deeper understanding about concussions.
► Concussion Laws. By 2014, every state had adopted state concussion laws that established mandatory protocols, and every state high school association has adopted policies that limit contact during preseason drills and in practices during the season.
► Football equipment. Manufacturers continue to produce higher quality equipment every year, and high school coaches are doing a much better job at teaching and coaching the rules of the game and making attempts to minimize risk of injury for players.
► Emergency Action Plans. Thanks to the NFHS Foundation, a copy of the “Anyone Can Save a Life” emergency action plan originally developed by the Minnesota State High School League was sent to all state high school associations and their high schools, and all schools have access to an AED to help save lives.
► Playing Rules. Risk minimization is a major focus of every NFHS sports rules committee. In football, helmet-to-helmet hits are not allowed.
High school football has been a significant part of schools, towns and communities across America for almost 100 years. The NFHS is committed to making the sport as safe as possible for the millions of kids who will play the sport in the years to come.
Dr. Karissa L. Niehoff is in her third year as executive director of the National Federation of State High School Associations (NFHS) in Indianapolis, Indiana. She is the first female to head the national leadership organization for high school athletics and performing arts activities and the sixth full-time executive director of the NFHS, which celebrated its 100th year of service during the 2018-19 school year. She previously was executive director of the Connecticut Association of Schools-Connecticut Interscholastic Athletic Conference for seven years.