Strategize for First Parent Meeting
November 12, 2014
By Scott Westfall
Coaches often cite parents as one of the most uncontrollable and frustrating aspects of coaching.
Let’s face it, when this relationship goes south, there can be pent-up frustration and hard feelings between the two parties which can result in a negative experience for everyone involved – especially the player who often is caught in the middle.
Establishing positive relationships with parents should happen from the moment you stand in front of them at your annual parent meeting.
Throughout this meeting parents will be asking themselves: “Can I trust this coach with my child?” “Will this coach be fair in his/her decisions?” and “Will this coach always have my child’s best intentions in mind?”
In order to put them at ease, you must do everything possible to establish yourself as a person of integrity who is altruistic and 100 percent trustworthy. Below is a coaching checklist that will help you establish trust and credibility with your team’s parents:
- Transparency – Do things openly and share information as much as possible. If something bad happens on your team, be sure that you do not sweep it under the rug. Be open and consistent with your decisions, and always follow through on what you say you are going to do.
- Demonstrate Respect – Be polite and sincere with parents and let your actions show that you care. Sometimes the little things you do will resonate louder than the big things.
- List Expectations – Have high expectations for the conduct of both the players and parents in your program. List these expectations, distribute them, and then talk about them with the parents. Meanwhile, let them know what they can expect from you in return (proper dress attire, appropriate language, great sportsmanship, impeccable conduct, proper treatment of game officials, etc.).
- Express Loyalty – As often as possible, be sure to praise your players, assistants, and the people associated with your program. Be sure that you never take credit for other people’s work, and remember to use the word “we” as often as possible.
- Be Accountable – This means taking the blame for bad results– even when it wasn’t necessarily your mistake. Admitting when something goes wrong on your watch doesn’t mean that you are a bad coach or you’ve lost control of your program. True leaders are accountable for the mistakes that happen in their programs.
- Deliver Results – This is not necessarily wins and losses. Instead, deliver results on the things that really matter, such as developing a respectable team, coaching players with all passing grades and having players who do not get into trouble or break the law.
No parent meeting would be complete without a healthy dose of paperwork. To make it easier for parents to keep these papers organized, try to color-coordinate the forms and go over them slowly one at a time. Below are the basic documents you should supply at the parent meeting (Note: Try to also have these documents accessible on your team’s website):
- Coaching Philosophy – Drafting a coaching philosophy will allow parents to better understand who you are and the reasons why you coach. In this document, be sure to include your fundamental beliefs along with your personal approach to coaching. (Note: Be honest in this section – Do not advertise yourself as one type of coach, but then act like another.) Include a lot of “I statements” such as, “I coach for the purpose of teaching life lessons,” “I believe that student comes before athlete,” and, “I am demanding but never demeaning.” Developing and drafting a coaching philosophy not only gives parents insight into you and your program, but also gives you an opportunity to reflect upon why you do things the way you do.
- Team Policies – This is perhaps the most important document you will distribute to your team’s parents. It should list all team rules pertaining to player conduct, grades, eligibility, attendance, discipline, communication, and of course playing time! Include statements such as, “Playing time is earned – not given,” “All decisions will be made based on what is best for the team,” and, “If you have a problem, please talk to the coach.” Inform parents that student-athletes will receive equal opportunities but not equal things. These opportunities include instruction, off-season strength and conditioning programs, and support for their classes. How well student-athletes take advantage of these opportunities (attendance, focus, effort, attitude, and self-discipline) often dictates their levels of success. (Note: Before distributing this document, make sure that your school’s administration/athletic director supports your team policies 100 percent).
- Student-Athlete Character Contract – While many schools have had an athletic code of conduct in place for years, teams today are including an additional written set of norms for players to follow. A character contract outlines how players agree to conduct themselves as a person, student, and athlete. If you want to create more buy-in, consider drafting this contract each season with your players!
- Parent Pledge Form – This document establishes the expectations you have for the parents in your program. Be sure that you include expectations for their conduct at games, having a positive disposition around the team, the treatment of players on your team along with the treatment of your opponents, letting the coaches coach, and how to act toward game officials.
- Team Calendar – Be sure to include detailed information on the times and locations of all practices, team events, games, and places that players need to be. If changes are made to the team calendar throughout the course of the season, be sure you inform parents through several forms of communication (a printed note sent home, an announcement on the team website, email list, social media, etc.).
- Athletic Physicals – While most doctors’ offices have a copy of these blank forms on hand, it is convenient for parents to have access to them through your school.
- Athletic Fees (if you are in a “pay for play” district) – Some districts have a mandatory athletic participation fee, while other districts do not. Some districts have a waiver form for students who are on free/reduced lunch. In any of these cases, make sure that you are on top of this information so you can properly inform your team’s parents at the meeting.
- Conflict Resolution – The occasional conflict is almost inevitable while working in an emotionally charged environment such as athletics. However, conflicts can often be avoided or at least more easily resolved through proper forms of communication.
1. Inform parents that you are always willing to listen to their concerns; let them know that you would prefer they address an issue with you, rather than taking their frustrations to the next game and venting to anybody in the bleachers who is willing to listen.
2. In in your team documents consider a statement such as, “The best tool we have in our relationship is an open line of communication. My door is always open, and so is my mind.”
3. Finally, be sure to let them know that if they are upset about something to not send it through email. Email is good for information, but not communication. Try to communicate and resolve conflicts in person as much as possible.
Once you have established trust and credibility with your team’s parents, you can start building the relationship. Caution: Building a relationship with your team’s parents is not developing close friendships with them. Becoming close friends with parents can actually lead to bigger problems as you open yourself to criticism of playing favorites.
Instead, build working relationships, generated through mutual respect and understanding for each other’s position in the quest of helping the young individual become a successful student-athlete. These working relationships help parents understand their optimal level of involvement, such as where and how they can fit into your program. Below are some tips for building working relationships with parents:
- Learn their names and where they work.
- Learn what the family likes to do when they are outside of the school setting.
- Invite them to a team event such as a team picnic, fundraiser, or team trip.
- Ask parents for help with certain jobs. Many parents appreciate being asked to help with team functions as it gives them an opportunity to get to know other parents and makes them feel like they matter.
- Call them at least once per season to say hello, report on their child’s progress, and ask if there is anything you can do to be of assistance.
- Offer additional support for their child. Helping the student-athlete outside of coaching with things such as academics and typical teen issues shows that you care.
- Offer support to the parents as well. If they are struggling to get a message across to their child, oftentimes a coach sending or reinforcing the same message makes all the difference. As a coach you hold a powerful platform with your student-athletes; use it to help with their development and maturity whenever possible.
Establishing yourself as a trustworthy and credible coach is the first step in getting parents to buy into your program. Meanwhile, providing parents with sufficient information will help them feel like you are keeping them informed and want them as a partner in your program.
Creating working relationships with parents takes time, but will be the cornerstone in establishing a positive experience for the years their children are involved with your program. While some parents may have a different background or mindset, listing your expectations will help them better understand your team’s culture and how they can fit in. If done right, these positive working relationships should alleviate much of your coaching frustration and pay tremendous dividends in the future.
Scott Westfall previously spent 10 years as a teacher, coach, and athletic director in Fort Collins, Colo. He currently is working on his Doctorate at Michigan State University, with an emphasis in Sport Psychology and Athletic Administration, and assisting the MHSAA with its student leadership programs. Westfall is a former athlete who participated in football, wrestling, tennis and cross country at the high school level, and rugby at the collegiate level. He can be reached at [email protected].
Forsythe Honorees Give All to Educational Athletics
By
Geoff Kimmerly
MHSAA.com senior editor
April 6, 2021
At one time during his four tenures as a Michigan high school athletic director, Leroy Hackley Jr. hosted MHSAA Finals in tennis and track & field and Districts in baseball, softball and soccer – all on the same day.
Another time, a neighboring athletic director hosting a Regional basketball game called because a dunk had just broken a backboard. An hour after Hackley took the call, the entire game had been moved to his school and play resumed.
Patti Tibaldi moved to Traverse City in 1995 already a high school and college basketball coaching legend and with district-wide administrative duties her next mission after also having served as a college assistant athletic director.
But with West High School set to open for the 1997-98 school year, and the most experienced applicant for the girls basketball varsity job having no more than seventh-grade experience, she stepped in again to build another program and make sure that generation of students received a great experience as well.
For nearly the entirety of their careers, and in multiple roles, Hackley and Tibaldi have been immersed in improving educational athletics. To celebrate their continued dedication and contributions over the years, they have been named honorees for the Michigan High School Athletic Association’s Charles E. Forsythe Award for 2021.
The annual award is in its 44th year and named after former MHSAA Executive Director Charles E. Forsythe, the Association's first full-time and longest-serving chief executive. Forsythe Award recipients are selected each year by the MHSAA Representative Council, based on an individual's outstanding contributions to the interscholastic athletics community.
Tibaldi spent 40 years in educational athletics at Comstock Park, Grand Rapids West Catholic and Traverse City West and also Aquinas College in Grand Rapids, serving as a coach, athletic director and physical education specialist. Hackley has spent the last 22 years of more than 40 in sports as an athletic director at Byron Center, Jenison, Grant and currently Muskegon Orchard View, as well as serving as an MHSAA-registered game official for 37 years. Both are recognized statewide among the best in their various fields.
“Patti Tibaldi has given more to athletics in our state at the small college and high school levels than perhaps anyone over the last 40 years,” MHSAA Executive Director Mark Uyl said. “She was a pioneer in small-school college basketball at Aquinas College, and my wife Marcy played against her there, and 30 years ago you could see that passion for women's sports that was unmatched. During her time at Traverse City West, her passion for kids was unchanged, and most of her students had no idea she had been that pioneer. She was a trailblazer for women in leadership positions in coaching and administration.
“Leroy and I were first-year athletic directors together in the same conference in 1999, and it's been a pleasure to watch him grow into one of the most respected voices over the last 22 years,” Uyl said. “At its core, athletics is a people business, and Leroy is all about those relationships. He's a guy who genuinely enjoys going to work every day.
Hackley has served as an athletic director first at Byron Center for five years, then Jenison for seven, Grant for three and Muskegon Orchard View for the last seven. Before those stops he served as director of health, recreation & wellness at Grand Valley State University for 14 years after serving as assistant director of recreation/intramurals for four years at Eastern Michigan University. His first administrative experience came while as a graduate assistant at the University of Iowa serving as supervisor of officials for the recreational services department. He’s also served as an adjunct professor in physical education at GVSU, Aquinas College and Muskegon Community College.
As well as hosting numerous postseason events, Hackley has served on eight MHSAA committees over the years and four years on its Representative Council. He’s been a registered MHSAA official in boys and girls basketball, softball, baseball, swimming & diving, volleyball, cross country and track & field over 37 years and has officiated every collegiate level of women’s basketball including Division I in the Mid-American Conference. He has officiated three MHSAA Basketball Finals and NCAA Division III and NAIA national championship games.
Just this week he changed his spring break plans to step in and host a Boys Basketball Quarterfinal and serve as a manager at MHSAA Semifinals on Wednesday and Thursday at Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids.
“I’ve always wanted to step in because I know what it’s like when you need help. I’m one of those guys who doesn’t like to say no. I try to find a way to lend a hand wherever I can,” Hackley said. “I’ve always enjoyed sports; all my free times has been spent watching sports or playing sports, and I’ve been fortunate enough to have a wife who enjoys watching sports. Pretty much my whole live has been centered around recreation and athletics. Coming from a big family (as one of 13 children), that’s one of the things we always did.”
Tibaldi spent 40 years in education and athletics at the high school and college levels, beginning first at Comstock Park from 1973-75 before spending the next six years at Grand Rapids West Catholic where she led the girls basketball team to the Class B championship in 1979 and the softball team to four league titles.
Simultaneously for the final three years at West Catholic, Tibaldi also served as women’s basketball coach, then also softball coach at Aquinas College, where she also became assistant athletic director in 1981. While at Aquinas she led the Saints to a 340-136 record on the court and the National Catholic Basketball Championship in 1984.
Tibaldi then moved to Traverse City Area Public Schools, first as the district’s K-12 physical education coordinator but eventually in multiple physical education specialist roles. She also was named the first varsity girls basketball coach at the new Traverse City West High School from 1997-2011 and served as West’s athletic director from 2004 until retiring in December 2014. As coach, she led the Titans to multiple league and District championships and the final few hundred wins of more than 800 total on high school and college basketball courts.
She’s also played a prevalent role in helping make MHSAA policy over her decades. She’s served on a variety of MHSAA committees, including the Basketball Committee, and served in multiple roles with the Basketball Coaches Association of Michigan including as president. She also served at the collegiate level on the NAIA Executive Committee, the Wolverine-Hoosier Athletic Conference (WHAC) Executive Council and as part of NAIA Women in Sports Leadership program and the Michigan Women’s Foundation Tribute to Women Athletes Committee.
Tibaldi has received various honors for her coaching and administrative contributions, including the MHSAA’s Women In Sports Leadership Award in 2011. She was The Associated Press’ Class B Coach of the Year in 1981 and twice earned special mention, and she’s a member of the BCAM Hall of Fame. She also was named state Coach of the Year for basketball by the National Federation of State High School Associations (NFHS) in 2004, and named Regional Athletic Director of the Year by the Michigan Interscholastic Athletic Administrators Association (MIAAA) in 2011. She also was named BCAM’s College Coach of the Year in 1988 and is a member of the NAIA’s National Coaches Hall of Fame. She earned multiple NAIA District Coach of the Year awards for both basketball and softball and was the WHAC Coach of the Year four times.
“To me, teaching life lessons is everything,” Tibaldi said. “I had great kids, and it makes me proud to see where they’re at – the things they’re doing are mind-boggling, and it makes me really proud. The thing they all tell me is they learned what hard work was, about teamwork and persistence, and resilience. That to me is what’s valuable.”
Tibaldi also co-authored and was granted a $1 million federal grant as part of the Every Step Counts program to provide the Traverse City community with funds to fight obesity, and wrote and coordinated a USDA-funded Michigan Fitness Foundation grant for promotion of healthy school environments in five high-needs schools. She’s been an active volunteer with the Boys and Girls Club and presented at the annual Girl-Tech Conference to encourage young women to choose non-traditional careers. She continues to do work with the Michigan Fitness Foundation.
Tibaldi is a graduate of the former Redford St. Mary’s High School in Detroit and earned her bachelor’s degrees in English and physical education from Aquinas in 1973. She was named Aquinas’ Outstanding Alumni of the Year in 1995 and is a member of that school’s Hall of Fame as well as Grand Rapids West Catholic’s and the Grand Rapids Sports Hall of Fame.
Hackley is a graduate of Culpeper County High School, located southwest of Washington, D.C. He earned his bachelor’s degree in recreation administration from Bethany College in Kansas and his master’s in recreation education from Iowa.
A member of the West Michigan Officials Association (WMOA) and National Association of Sports Officials (NASO), Hackley was co-founder and has been co-director of the Michigan Intramural and Recreation Sports Association (MIRSA) basketball officials camp and served on six committees as part of the National Intramural and Recreation Sports Association (NIRSA). He also was appointed to the Board of Directors of the West Michigan Sports Commission.
He’s also volunteered with Michigan Special Olympics, Georgetown Little League, National Kidney Foundation and Habitat for Humanity, served three years on the Board of Directors for the Downtown Metro YMCA in Grand Rapids and nine years on the Board of Directors at Bethany College.
Hackley was named WMOA Athletic Director of the Year in 2011 and an MIAAA Regional Athletic Director of the Year in 2018. He also has received MIRSA’s Tom Jones Service Award.
Past recipients of the Charles E. Forsythe Award
1978 - Brick Fowler, Port Huron; Paul Smarks, Warren
1979 - Earl Messner, Reed City; Howard Beatty, Saginaw
1980 - Max Carey, Freesoil
1981 - Steven Sluka, Grand Haven; Samuel Madden, Detroit
1982 - Ernest Buckholz, Mt. Clemens; T. Arthur Treloar, Petoskey
1983 - Leroy Dues, Detroit; Richard Maher, Sturgis
1984 - William Hart, Marquette; Donald Stamats, Caro
1985 - John Cotton, Farmington; Robert James, Warren
1986 - William Robinson, Detroit; Irving Soderland, Norway
1987 - Jack Streidl, Plainwell; Wayne Hellenga, Decatur
1988 - Jack Johnson, Dearborn; Alan Williams, North Adams
1989 - Walter Bazylewicz, Berkley; Dennis Kiley, Jackson
1990 - Webster Morrison, Pickford; Herbert Quade, Benton Harbor
1991 - Clifford Buckmaster, Petoskey; Donald Domke, Northville
1992 - William Maskill, Kalamazoo; Thomas G. McShannock, Muskegon
1993 - Roy A. Allen Jr., Detroit; John Duncan, Cedarville
1994 - Kermit Ambrose, Royal Oak
1995 - Bob Perry, Lowell
1996 - Charles H. Jones, Royal Oak
1997 - Michael A. Foster, Richland; Robert G. Grimes, Battle Creek
1998 - Lofton C. Greene, River Rouge; Joseph J. Todey, Essexville
1999 - Bernie Larson, Battle Creek
2000 - Blake Hagman, Kalamazoo; Jerry Cvengros, Escanaba
2001 - Norm Johnson, Bangor; George Lovich, Canton
2002 - John Fundukian, Novi
2003 - Ken Semelsberger, Port Huron
2004 - Marco Marcet, Frankenmuth
2005 - Jim Feldkamp, Troy
2006 - Dan McShannock, Midland; Dail Prucka, Monroe
2007 - Keith Eldred, Williamston; Tom Hickman, Spring Lake
2008 - Jamie Gent, Haslett; William Newkirk, Sanford Meridian
2009 - Paul Ellinger, Cheboygan
2010 - Rudy Godefroidt, Hemlock; Mike Boyd, Waterford
2011 - Eric C. Federico, Trenton
2012 - Bill Mick, Midland
2013 - Jim Gilmore, Tecumseh; Dave Hutton, Grandville
2014 - Dan Flynn, Escanaba
2015 - Hugh Matson, Saginaw
2016 - Gary Hice, Petoskey; Gina Mazzolini, Lansing
2017 - Chuck Nurek, Rochester Hills
2018 - Gary Ellis, Allegan
2019 - Jim Derocher, Negaunee; Fredrick J. Smith, Stevensville
2020 - Michael Garvey, Lawton
PHOTOS: Muskegon Orchard View athletic director Leroy Hackley Jr., left during his time at Jenison High, and retired Traverse City West athletic director and basketball coach Patti Tibaldi are the 2021 Charles E. Forsythe Award honorees. (Hackley photo by Rob Kaminski; Tibaldi photo courtesy of Traverse City Record-Eagle.)