Strategize for First Parent Meeting
February 25, 2015
By Scott Westfall
MSU Institute for the Study of Youth Sports
Coaches often cite parents as one of the most uncontrollable and frustrating aspects of coaching.
Let’s face it, when this relationship goes south, there can be pent-up frustration and hard feelings between the two parties which can result in a negative experience for everyone involved – especially the player who is often caught in the middle.
Establishing positive relationships with parents should happen from the moment you stand in front of them at your annual parent meeting.
Throughout this meeting, parents will be asking themselves: “Can I trust this coach with my child?” “Will this coach be fair in his/her decisions?” and “Will this coach always have my child’s best intentions in mind?”
In order to put them at ease, you must do everything possible to establish yourself as a person of integrity who is altruistic and 100 percent trustworthy. Below is a coaching checklist that will help you establish trust and credibility with your team’s parents:
Transparency – Do things openly and share information as much as possible. If something bad happens on your team, be sure that you do not sweep it under the rug. Be open and consistent with your decisions, and always follow through on what you say you are going to do.
Demonstrate Respect – Be polite and sincere with parents and let your actions show that you care. Sometimes the little things you do will resonate louder than the big things.
List Expectations – Have high expectations for the conduct of both the players and parents in your program. List these expectations, distribute them, and then talk about them with the parents. Meanwhile, let them know what they can expect from you in return (proper dress attire, appropriate language, great sportsmanship, impeccable conduct, proper treatment of game officials, etc.).
Express Loyalty – As often as possible, be sure to praise your players, assistants, and the people associated with your program. Be sure that you never take credit for other people’s work, and remember to use the word “we” as often as possible.
Be Accountable – This means taking the blame for bad results– even when it wasn’t necessarily your mistake. Admitting when something goes wrong on your watch doesn’t mean that you are a bad coach or you’ve lost control of your program. True leaders are accountable for the mistakes that happen in their programs.
Deliver Results – This is not necessarily wins and losses. Instead, deliver results on the things that really matter, such as developing a respectable team, coaching players with all passing grades and having players who do not get into trouble or break the law.
No parent meeting would be complete without a healthy dose of paperwork. To make it easier for parents to keep these papers organized, try to color-coordinate the forms and go over them slowly one at a time.
Below are the basic documents you should supply at the parent meeting (Note: Try to also have these documents accessible on your team’s website):
Coaching Philosophy – Drafting a coaching philosophy will allow parents to better understand who you are and the reasons you coach. In this document, be sure to include your fundamental beliefs along with your personal approach to coaching. (Note: Be honest in this section – Do not advertise yourself as one type of coach, but then act like another). Include a lot of “I statements” such as, “I coach for the purpose of teaching life lessons,” “I believe that student comes before athlete,” and, “I am demanding but never demeaning.” Developing and drafting a coaching philosophy not only gives parents insight into you and your program, but it also gives you an opportunity to reflect upon why you do things the way you do.
Team Policies – This is perhaps the most important document you will distribute to your team’s parents. It should list all team rules pertaining to player conduct, grades, eligibility, attendance, discipline, communication, and of course playing time! Include statements such as, “Playing time is earned – not given,” “All decisions will be made based on what is best for the team,” and, “If you have a problem, please talk to the coach.” Inform parents that student-athletes will receive equal opportunities but not equal things. These opportunities include instruction, off-season strength and conditioning programs, and support for their classes. How well student-athletes take advantage of these opportunities (attendance, focus, effort, attitude, and self-discipline) often dictates their levels of success. (Note: Before distributing this document, make sure your school’s administration/athletic director supports your team policies 100 percent).
Student-Athlete Character Contract – While many schools have had an athletic code of conduct in place for years, teams today are including an additional written set of norms for players to follow. A character contract outlines how players agree to conduct themselves as a person, student, and athlete. If you want to create more buy-in, consider drafting this contract each season with your players!
Parent Pledge Form – This document establishes the expectations you have for the parents in your program. Be sure that you include expectations for their conduct at games, having a positive disposition around the team, the treatment of players on your team along with the treatment of your opponents, letting the coaches coach, and how to act toward game officials.
Team Calendar – Be sure to include detailed information on the times and locations of all practices, team events, games, and places that players need to be. If changes are made to the team calendar throughout the course of the season, be sure you inform parents through several forms of communication (a printed note sent home, an announcement on the team website, email list, social media, etc.).
Athletic Physicals – While most doctors’ offices have a copy of these blank forms on hand, it is convenient for parents to have access to them through your school.
Athletic Fees (if you are a “pay for play” district) – Some districts have a mandatory athletic participation fee, while other districts do not. Some districts have a waiver form for students who are on free/reduced lunch. In any of these cases, make sure you are on top of this information so you can properly inform your team’s parents at the meeting.
Conflict Resolution – The occasional conflict is almost inevitable while working in an emotionally charged environment such as athletics. However, conflicts can often be avoided or at least more easily resolved through proper forms of communication.
- Inform parents that you are always willing to listen to their concerns; let them know that you would prefer they address an issue with you, rather than taking their frustrations to the next game and venting to anybody in the bleachers who is willing to listen.
- In your team documents consider a statement such as, “The best tool we have in our relationship is an open line of communication. My door is always open and so is my mind.”
- Finally, be sure to let them know that if they are upset about something to not send it through email. Email is good for information, but not communication. Try to communicate and resolve conflicts in person as much as possible.
Once you have established trust and credibility with your team’s parents, you can start building the relationship. Caution: Building a relationship with your team’s parents is not developing close friendships with them. Becoming close friends with parents actually can lead to bigger problems as you open yourself to criticism of playing favorites. Instead, build working relationships, generated through mutual respect and understanding for each other’s position in the quest of helping the young individual become a successful student-athlete. These working relationships help parents understand their optimal level of involvement, such as where and how they can fit into your program. Below are some tips for building working relationships with parents:
- Learn their names and where they work.
- Learn what the family likes to do when they are outside of the school setting.
- Invite them to a team event such as a team picnic, fundraiser, or team trip.
- Ask parents for help with certain jobs. Many parents appreciate being asked to help with team functions as it gives them an opportunity to get to know other parents and makes them feel like they matter.
- Call them at least once per season to say hello, report on their child’s progress, and ask if there is anything you can do to be of assistance.
- Offer additional support for their child. Helping the student-athlete outside of coaching with things such as academics and typical teen issues shows you care.
- Offer support to the parents as well. If they are struggling to get a message across to their child, oftentimes a coach sending or reinforcing the same message makes all the difference. As a coach you hold a powerful platform with your student-athletes; use it to help with their development and maturity whenever possible.
Establishing yourself as a trustworthy and credible coach is the first step in getting parents to buy into your program. Meanwhile, providing parents with sufficient information will help them feel like you are keeping them informed and want them as a partner in your program.
Creating working relationships with parents takes time, but will be the cornerstone in establishing a positive experience for the years their children are involved with your program. While some parents may have a different background or mindset, listing your expectations will help them better understand your team’s culture and how they can fit in.
If done right, these positive working relationships should alleviate much of your coaching frustration and pay tremendous dividends in the future.
Scott Westfall has spent the last 10 years as a teacher, coach, and athletic director in Fort Collins, Colo. He currently is working on his Doctorate at Michigan State University, with an emphasis in Sport Psychology and Athletic Administration, and assisting the MHSAA with its student leadership programs. Westfall is a former athlete who participated in football, wrestling, tennis and cross country at the high school level, and rugby at the collegiate level. He can be reached at [email protected].
Shores Star Walker Continues Drive for Hoops Greatness as College Coach
By
Scott DeCamp
Special for MHSAA.com
August 8, 2024
NORTON SHORES — Dribbling, passing, and shooting are prerequisites for basketball players, and Muskegon Mona Shores alumna Jordan Walker did them quite well.
But for Walker, determination has been perhaps her most important trait.
It helped her win the Michigan Miss Basketball Award during her senior season in 2017 after suffering an ACL injury prior to her junior year with the Sailors. It’s also allowed her to continue an ascent in the basketball world.
Time-management habits and prioritization have been instilled in all three of Jarvis and Danielle Walker’s three children.
“There’s a special drive with these (Walker) kids,” said Brad Kurth, who was Jasmyn and Jordan Walker’s basketball coach at Mona Shores.
Jordan Walker earned two master’s degrees over six years of college while juggling the demands of being a Division I basketball player at Western Michigan University and University of Tennessee. The 25-year-old’s playing days appear to be finished, but she’s still pursuing her basketball dreams as an assistant coach at the D-I level.
Walker spent the 2023-24 season as a first-year assistant at Mercer University. This March, Mercer head coach Susie Gardner announced her resignation, meaning Walker had to seek opportunities elsewhere.
In typical Walker fashion, she landed on her feet, and it didn’t take long. In May, she was hired as an assistant coach at Jacksonville University. Her responsibilities include player development with point guards, academics, community service, and housing.
“(The Mercer position) kind of fit exactly where I was at perfectly,” Walker said during a break while on the road recruiting for Jacksonville recently. “I was really thankful for that opportunity and thankful for my circle and my village thinking of me at that time and putting my name out there because it honestly was the perfect situation for me.
“At the Final Four, you meet people and you meet a lot of coaches and you network, you build relationships. There was one coach I saw on the road a ton throughout the year and I saw at the Final Four and he knew the situation. At that point, (Jacksonville) didn’t have any openings, and later on it opened up and they gave me a call. At that point, it was getting to the interview and what the position holds and what it would look like. Again, it was another situation that was perfect for where I was at in life and what I wanted to do and the path that I’m on, so it was another no-brainer for me to head to Jacksonville.”
At Mona Shores, the 5-foot-7 guard broke the school’s all-time scoring record — one that stood 22 years — with 1,365 points. During her Miss Basketball season, Walker averaged 22.1 points, 8.5 rebounds, and 5.5 assists per game.
At the collegiate level, Walker amassed more than 1,300 points, 700 rebounds, and 400 assists. In two seasons with WMU (she lost one season with another ACL injury), she started 54 of 64 games and averaged 11.8 points, 4.9 rebounds, 2.2 assists, and 1.8 steals. As a graduate transfer at Tennessee, she started 77 of 96 games and averaged 6.3 points, 4.1 rebounds, 3.0 assists, and 1.1 steals while helping the Lady Vols reach the NCAA Tournament three times.
According to Walker, the foundation for her success began in the home and in the Mona Shores school community.
“Honestly, my memories with Mona Shores I truly cherish because it’s such a special time, a special place. Playing high school ball, I tell people AAU and high school ball is some of the most fun times that you’ll have playing. Obviously, I enjoyed my college time as well — I did six years,” she quipped. “But I definitely enjoyed my time at Mona Shores. Just the people that were there because it was a truly special place.
“Again, I talk about the village a lot because it does take that and (the) Mona Shores community, they really just poured into me and supported (me) and that’s something that I was always grateful for. Especially my head coach there, Brad Kurth. He did an amazing job with us and preparing us, not only for the games in high school but for the next level as well as far as player development and scouts and going over stuff like that so when I got to college, it wasn’t my first time seeing a scout, it wasn’t my first time doing a film study. Those things I always take with me.”
Of course, with the Walker family, it’s always been books before basketball.
While at Mona Shores, Jordan Walker served on the MHSAA’s Student Advisory Council and earned one of the prestigious MHSAA/Farm Bureau Insurance Scholar-Athlete Awards as a senior; only 32 honorees are selected annually. Walker earned her bachelor’s degree in political science and minor in communications from WMU in 2020, taking only three years. At Tennessee, she completed her first master’s degree in 2022 in business administration (MBA) with a concentration in entrepreneurship and innovation; she finished her second master’s degree in 2023 in the Agricultural Leadership, Education and Communications (ALEC) Department with a concentration on name, image, and likeness (NIL) and women’s leadership.
When Walker suffered the ACL injury at WMU, which sidelined her for a year, it allowed her to get ahead in the classroom. She had 19- and 20-credit semesters that year. In her third and final year at WMU, she was taking 21 credits in a semester.
“Academics in our house was nothing to play around with,” Walker said. “If you didn’t have your academics right — in the summer, if you didn’t finish your workbooks, if you didn’t read your books, you were not playing basketball. Academics were a big thing, and I thank my parents for that because they instilled that at a young age.
“It came down to time management, which kind of goes back to what I was saying about the foundation of your high school and what you do in high school and the habits that you form because that’s ultimately going to carry you throughout college. Of course, you can tweak it and gain new things, but I think Mona Shores did a great job of setting me up academically so that when I got to college, some of the courses that I took, I was able to comprehend at that level and take multiple classes and high-credit semesters and be able to graduate early, which led to me being able to get my (two) master’s (degrees).”
All three of the Walker siblings continue to achieve at a high level on and off the court.
Jasmyn Walker, the eldest of the siblings, was a first-team all-stater at Mona Shores and a Division I basketball player at Valparaiso and Western Michigan. She is in her first season as an assistant coach at George Washington University after previous stops at Purdue-Fort Wayne, Butler, Ferris State and Davenport.
Jarvis Walker II, the youngest of the siblings, was a first-team all-stater at Muskegon High School and is a graduate student playing basketball for Indiana University-Indianapolis after starting his collegiate career at Purdue-Fort Wayne.
The Walker siblings are each other’s biggest fans.
“I’m immensely proud of them,” Jasmyn Walker said. “Jordy and Jay have gone above and beyond to reach their goals. I’ve seen the work they’ve put in, the time invested, and sometimes the lows that come with chasing dreams. They’ve pushed themselves at every turn.”
Jarvis Walker II said that sister Jordan is somebody who will “figure it out no matter the circumstances.”
He believes that each stop along her journey has afforded her great experience and deeper knowledge that will benefit her not only in basketball but in life.
“Grind, grind, grind — she is one of the hardest-working people I know,” he said about his sister. “It has motivated me to be better in every aspect of life from school to basketball and day-to-day interactions and how I go about certain things.”
In many respects, Kurth feels like a proud papa to the Walkers as he’s coached Jasmyn and Jordan and has spent countless hours around the family.
“All three of the kids — I mean, Jarvis, Jordan, and Jasmyn — I could never be prouder of a group of kids,” Kurth said. “You talk about the full package: Basketball is one part, but every single one of them shows academic excellence, every single one of them shows extreme character. Those are things that are timeless. Basketball is a young person’s sport. Coaching you can do a long time, but your playing days are limited. I think I’ve seen a lot of kids sacrifice everything, including their character, including their academics, to do basketball and they shouldn’t. Character should be at the top. These three kids, it’s just matchless.”
Included in Jordan Walker’s long resume is her active participation in leadership programs such as “So You Want To Be a Coach” and “Above the Rim Summit.”
Walker aspires to be a collegiate head coach. She’s doing all she can to keep climbing that ladder.
With her second master’s degree specializing in NIL and that being such a large part of college athletics now, she appears to have a leg up on her competition.
“NIL can look like a bunch of different things, and I think that when choosing a school and what that looks like, make sure that outside of NIL it meets all of your expectations,” Walker said. “Money and brand deals and all of that may look enticing, but still don’t fall on your standards of what your program you want to have has.
“It’s the academics, and if they have your major, and it’s the culture and it’s your relationships with your coaches and your teammates. Make those be your tops and NIL be a plus. I think that that’s the biggest thing.”
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PHOTOS (Top) At left, Jordan Walker stands with her class on the Breslin Center floor during the 2017 MHSAA/Farm Bureau Scholar-Athlete Awards ceremony, and at right in 2023 after receiving her second master's degree from University of Tennessee. (Middle) Walker makes her move toward the basket during a game her senior season at Muskegon Mona Shores. (Below) Jordan Walker, middle, takes a photo with sister Jasmyn and brother Jarvis. (Graduation and family photos courtesy of the Walker family; Mona Shores basketball photo by Tim Reilly.)