Strategize for First Parent Meeting

February 25, 2015

By Scott Westfall
MSU Institute for the Study of Youth Sports

Coaches often cite parents as one of the most uncontrollable and frustrating aspects of coaching.

Let’s face it, when this relationship goes south, there can be pent-up frustration and hard feelings between the two parties which can result in a negative experience for everyone involved – especially the player who is often caught in the middle.

Establishing positive relationships with parents should happen from the moment you stand in front of them at your annual parent meeting.

Throughout this meeting, parents will be asking themselves: “Can I trust this coach with my child?” “Will this coach be fair in his/her decisions?” and “Will this coach always have my child’s best intentions in mind?”

In order to put them at ease, you must do everything possible to establish yourself as a person of integrity who is altruistic and 100 percent trustworthy. Below is a coaching checklist that will help you establish trust and credibility with your team’s parents:

Transparency – Do things openly and share information as much as possible. If something bad happens on your team, be sure that you do not sweep it under the rug. Be open and consistent with your decisions, and always follow through on what you say you are going to do.

Demonstrate Respect – Be polite and sincere with parents and let your actions show that you care. Sometimes the little things you do will resonate louder than the big things.

List Expectations – Have high expectations for the conduct of both the players and parents in your program. List these expectations, distribute them, and then talk about them with the parents. Meanwhile, let them know what they can expect from you in return (proper dress attire, appropriate language, great sportsmanship, impeccable conduct, proper treatment of game officials, etc.).

Express Loyalty – As often as possible, be sure to praise your players, assistants, and the people associated with your program. Be sure that you never take credit for other people’s work, and remember to use the word “we” as often as possible.

Be Accountable – This means taking the blame for bad results– even when it wasn’t necessarily your mistake. Admitting when something goes wrong on your watch doesn’t mean that you are a bad coach or you’ve lost control of your program. True leaders are accountable for the mistakes that happen in their programs.

Deliver Results – This is not necessarily wins and losses. Instead, deliver results on the things that really matter, such as developing a respectable team, coaching players with all passing grades and having players who do not get into trouble or break the law.

No parent meeting would be complete without a healthy dose of paperwork. To make it easier for parents to keep these papers organized, try to color-coordinate the forms and go over them slowly one at a time.

Below are the basic documents you should supply at the parent meeting (Note: Try to also have these documents accessible on your team’s website):

Coaching Philosophy – Drafting a coaching philosophy will allow parents to better understand who you are and the reasons you coach. In this document, be sure to include your fundamental beliefs along with your personal approach to coaching. (Note: Be honest in this section – Do not advertise yourself as one type of coach, but then act like another). Include a lot of “I statements” such as, “I coach for the purpose of teaching life lessons,” “I believe that student comes before athlete,” and, “I am demanding but never demeaning.” Developing and drafting a coaching philosophy not only gives parents insight into you and your program, but it also gives you an opportunity to reflect upon why you do things the way you do.

Team Policies – This is perhaps the most important document you will distribute to your team’s parents. It should list all team rules pertaining to player conduct, grades, eligibility, attendance, discipline, communication, and of course playing time! Include statements such as, “Playing time is earned – not given,” “All decisions will be made based on what is best for the team,” and, “If you have a problem, please talk to the coach.” Inform parents that student-athletes will receive equal opportunities but not equal things. These opportunities include instruction, off-season strength and conditioning programs, and support for their classes. How well student-athletes take advantage of these opportunities (attendance, focus, effort, attitude, and self-discipline) often dictates their levels of success. (Note: Before distributing this document, make sure your school’s administration/athletic director supports your team policies 100 percent).

Student-Athlete Character Contract – While many schools have had an athletic code of conduct in place for years, teams today are including an additional written set of norms for players to follow. A character contract outlines how players agree to conduct themselves as a person, student, and athlete. If you want to create more buy-in, consider drafting this contract each season with your players!

Parent Pledge Form – This document establishes the expectations you have for the parents in your program. Be sure that you include expectations for their conduct at games, having a positive disposition around the team, the treatment of players on your team along with the treatment of your opponents, letting the coaches coach, and how to act toward game officials.

Team Calendar – Be sure to include detailed information on the times and locations of all practices, team events, games, and places that players need to be. If changes are made to the team calendar throughout the course of the season, be sure you inform parents through several forms of communication (a printed note sent home, an announcement on the team website, email list, social media, etc.).

Athletic Physicals – While most doctors’ offices have a copy of these blank forms on hand, it is convenient for parents to have access to them through your school.  

Athletic Fees (if you are a “pay for play” district) – Some districts have a mandatory athletic participation fee, while other districts do not. Some districts have a waiver form for students who are on free/reduced lunch. In any of these cases, make sure you are on top of this information so you can properly inform your team’s parents at the meeting.

Conflict Resolution – The occasional conflict is almost inevitable while working in an emotionally charged environment such as athletics. However, conflicts can often be avoided or at least more easily resolved through proper forms of communication.

  • Inform parents that you are always willing to listen to their concerns; let them know that you would prefer they address an issue with you, rather than taking their frustrations to the next game and venting to anybody in the bleachers who is willing to listen.
  • In your team documents consider a statement such as, “The best tool we have in our relationship is an open line of communication. My door is always open and so is my mind.”
  • Finally, be sure to let them know that if they are upset about something to not send it through email. Email is good for information, but not communication. Try to communicate and resolve conflicts in person as much as possible.

Once you have established trust and credibility with your team’s parents, you can start building the relationship. Caution: Building a relationship with your team’s parents is not developing close friendships with them. Becoming close friends with parents actually can lead to bigger problems as you open yourself to criticism of playing favorites. Instead, build working relationships, generated through mutual respect and understanding for each other’s position in the quest of helping the young individual become a successful student-athlete. These working relationships help parents understand their optimal level of involvement, such as where and how they can fit into your program. Below are some tips for building working relationships with parents:

  • Learn their names and where they work.
  • Learn what the family likes to do when they are outside of the school setting.
  • Invite them to a team event such as a team picnic, fundraiser, or team trip.
  • Ask parents for help with certain jobs. Many parents appreciate being asked to help with team functions as it gives them an opportunity to get to know other parents and makes them feel like they matter.
  • Call them at least once per season to say hello, report on their child’s progress, and ask if there is anything you can do to be of assistance.
  • Offer additional support for their child. Helping the student-athlete outside of coaching with things such as academics and typical teen issues shows you care.
  • Offer support to the parents as well. If they are struggling to get a message across to their child, oftentimes a coach sending or reinforcing the same message makes all the difference. As a coach you hold a powerful platform with your student-athletes; use it to help with their development and maturity whenever possible.

Establishing yourself as a trustworthy and credible coach is the first step in getting parents to buy into your program. Meanwhile, providing parents with sufficient information will help them feel like you are keeping them informed and want them as a partner in your program.

Creating working relationships with parents takes time, but will be the cornerstone in establishing a positive experience for the years their children are involved with your program. While some parents may have a different background or mindset, listing your expectations will help them better understand your team’s culture and how they can fit in.

If done right, these positive working relationships should alleviate much of your coaching frustration and pay tremendous dividends in the future.

Scott Westfall has spent the last 10 years as a teacher, coach, and athletic director in Fort Collins, Colo. He currently is working on his Doctorate at Michigan State University, with an emphasis in Sport Psychology and Athletic Administration, and assisting the MHSAA with its student leadership programs. Westfall is a former athlete who participated in football, wrestling, tennis and cross country at the high school level, and rugby at the collegiate level. He can be reached at [email protected].

Flyers to Terriers, Quakers & Orioles

December 15, 2020

By Ron Pesch
Special for Second Half

Education and all that comes with it, in case you haven’t noticed, is changing. Of course, that’s always been the case. Virtual learning is simply the latest transformation.

Once we were a nation filled with one-room school houses. By 1910, postcard evidence shows that, at least in Michigan, nearly every town of size had a high school, and that these buildings were showcases for community pride. From wood to brick to limestone, many of the earliest structures had bell towers. By the 1920s, in larger cities, small schools run by neighborhood churches were quite common. Most from those days were multiple-story buildings.

In hindsight, some of those buildings seem incredibly large for the communities they served. Others, too small – especially come the post-war baby boom era, when the suburbs exploded with growth and opportunity and Michigan’s major cities began to shrink in size. The 1950s and 1960s saw numerous Upper Peninsula and rural schools consolidate, while various big-city suburban districts split into two.

Continued development beyond the first ring of suburbs and decreasing birth rates have combined, with the introduction of school of choice in 1996, to played havoc with enrollments and facilities in more recent times. Today, public and private academies seem to pop up and disappear overnight.

For someone trying to follow along, there are plenty of challenges.

A TOOLBOX

Historians, like many others, require a toolbox to accomplish their work. One of my favorite tools is a spreadsheet that I created several years back. I refer to it as “The List.” It’s my Master List of Michigan High Schools, and I reference it often. But lately, the document has been in a bit of disarray.

It’s been a mess before. Without a focused sabbatical or a grant, it likely will never be polished quite to my satisfaction.

Lost somewhere in time

Scattered to the four winds are details about the naming of schools, their consolidations, relocations and closings. Sadly, stories of how and why schools selected nicknames are often forgotten.

Parochial schools can present challenges of their own. Seemingly countless have opened, closed, consolidated or relocated over the years in Michigan. The city of Detroit alone has played host to a least 32 “Saint” high schools, from St. Agatha to St. Vincent.

Detroit Catholic Central’s history includes five sites in three separate cities. As noted in my document, Catholic Central is an “All-Boys” school and today located in Novi. Few recall that, beginning in the fall of 1928, there was also a Detroit Girls Catholic Central. It closed in 1969.

Grand Rapids Catholic Central, founded in 1906, states it is the “oldest coeducational Catholic high school in the nation.” They have been known as the Cougars since 1930 or before. Muskegon Catholic Central consolidated three local schools – St. Mary, St. Joseph and St. Jean – and opened in the fall of 1953.

Flint Powers represents another example. My spreadsheet notes that the school’s full name is Flint Powers Catholic Central, and that it was named in honor of Rev. Luke M. Powers. The athletic teams are nicknamed the Chargers. The school was formed by the merger of seven Genesee County schools in 1970 – Flint Catholic schools Holy Redeemer, St. Agnes, St. John Vianney, St. Mary, St. Matthew, St. Michael and Mt. Morris St. Mary. Within the spreadsheet, I also capture their team nicknames: Flyers, Crusaders, Hornets, Wildcats, Panthers, Warriors, and Shamrocks, valuable information in case I find opportunity to write about their athletic accomplishments.

Garden City High School split into Garden City East and West in the mid-1960s, then reunited beginning with the 1982-83 school year. Royal Oak divided into Dondero and Kimball high schools in the late ’50s. They again unified in 2006. Pontiac High School split into Central and Northern in 1958. They merged back into Pontiac High in 2009.

More recently, in 2012, Wyoming Park and Wyoming Rogers merged. Ypsilanti Willow Run and Ypsilanti High School consolidated into Ypsilanti Community Schools in 2013.

Flint’s oldest high school, Central, shuttered in 2009, followed by Flint Northern in 2013. Albion was absorbed into Marshall in 2013. Word is Saginaw and Saginaw Arthur Hill will soon unite.

Once, Michigan had four high schools that used “Flyers” as their nickname: previously mentioned Flint Holy Redeemer, Detroit St. Andrew, Grosse Pointe St. Paul and Willow Run, which used the nickname as a nod to the area’s ties to Airforce Plant 31, constructed by Ford to manufacture twin-finned B-24 bombers during the early 1940s for the war effort. Today, there are no schools left in Michigan that carry the nickname.

“The List” reminds me that Ferndale changed from the “Railsplitters” to the “Eagles” when they moved from old Ferndale Lincoln High into the newly-opened Ferndale High School in the fall of 1958. They are not to be confused with the “Railsplitters” of Ypsilanti Lincoln or Lincoln Park.

Caledonia once used “Scotties” as the nickname for its athletic teams, but the students chose to change the nickname to the more intimidating “Fighting Scots” in the late 1960s. (I’m still trying to chase down the actual school year of the alteration.)

“The List” explains why the Midland “Chemics” have a lion named Vic for a mascot. (It seems that in 1938, a new high school was built and “the Student Union decided to start some new traditions in order to display pride in their new high school. The school purchased a stuffed lion – a symbol of pride – to be used as a mascot. The name Vic was chosen for the mascot in short for the word ‘Victory’, voted in by the students.”)

Uniqueness

Distinctive nicknames fascinate me, but I always want the story behind the choice. I have written on the subject previously. Digging around the internet, I recently found a reference that was new to me. Alpena St. Anne’s high school athletic teams apparently were nicknamed the “Couturemen.”

The dictionary describes “Couture” as a designer, maker and seller of custom clothing. The word is French in origin. So I shipped off an e-mail the other day to a parish secretary in Alpena, with a question about the very unusual nickname. My question worked its way to Fr. Frank Muszkiewicz.

“St. Anne Church had been the "French" church here in Alpena when there were the more ethnic heritage Catholic communities,” he responded. “My understanding is that St. Anne had a high school until 1951, when Catholic Central High School opened in Alpena …

“Looking at a history book of St. Anne Church in Alpena,” he continued, “I did see a couple of pictures of boys' basketball teams from the 1920's and 1940's, however it seems the team name was the "Big Reds". So, I'm not sure where the "Couturemen" name came from that you found.”

From the late 1920s into the 1940s, it became quite popular to tie nicknames to teams. But before a moniker was assigned, it wasn’t unusual for newspaper writers to refer to a team by the school colors, or blend the last name of a coach with the word “men” when penning a story about a local squad. For example, Bay City Central’s teams often were called “Nevittmen” after coach Garland Nevitt before taking on the nickname “Wolves” around 1927. Muskegon’s teams were “Jacksmen” after their coach, J. Francis Jacks, before they were called the “Big Reds.”

A December 1940 newspaper, covering a game between Ludington St. Simon and St. Anne, gives a hint that this might be the case at St. Anne’s. A player at St. Anne, who happened to foul out of the game, had the last name, Couture. Perhaps there is a similar connection in St. Anne’s history.

Identities

In September 1928, Lansing Eastern athletic teams became known as the Quakers. “The name is derived from the location of the school,” stated the Lansing State Journal, explaining the unusual choice. “Pennsylvania was the original home of the Quakers of the Colonial period of our history, and the new high school, being situated on Pennsylvania Avenue, will be known by the name of the original settlers in the Keystone State.”

In a November 1929 contest conducted by the State Journal, East Lansing, “long without a nickname,” became the Trojans. “The nickname was the choice of more than 50 per cent of the students.”

In May 1930, The Ludington Daily News noted that “Recently the Northern Michigan Big Six Athletic conference stimulated interest among pupils of the six cities in athletics and team competition … High School pupils of the respective towns proposed nicknames for their school teams and indicated their favorite by vote. Manistee chose the name of ‘Chippewas,’ Traverse City, ‘Trojans,’ Petoskey ‘Northmen,’ Cadillac ‘Vikings’ and Big Rapids ‘Cardinals.’ The time-honored name of ‘Orioles’ was voted to be retained by Ludington high school pupils, completing the list of six schools.”

Impressed, the Daily News quickly went to work to sponsor a county-wide contest with schools in Oceana County to select team nicknames. Later in the month, they announced results of the project.

“Scottville high school teams will henceforth be known as ‘Spartans,’ and Freesoil aggregation as ‘Buccaneers.’

“The team nicknames were decided upon by pupils of their respective institutions under a program of selections sponsored by the News.

“Two schools, Custer and Shelby, will retain their original team titles, (Ludington) St. Simon’s and Hart have not announced a final decision and Pentwater and Walkerville have made no report.”

Scottville’s choice of “Spartans” succeeded the name ‘Canners’ which had been used for a number of years, “a significant, but an unpicturesque appellation.” A rich agricultural part of the state, Scottville was home to a huge W.R. Roach and Co. canning facility. It closed in 2000 after nearly 90 years in business, displacing nearly 300 workers. “Wolverines” had also “won a goodly number of votes as did ‘Hornets.’”

“Cardinals” was retained at Custer.

“Word from Coach T.T. Thatcher at Shelby discloses Shelby’s choice as ‘Pee Wees.’ A selection made last year.

“Shelby voted in 1929 to use that name,’ he says, ‘and since then we have used an emblem on all our suits showing a Pee Wee and S.H.S on it. Our school colors are purple and white so the name is symbolic of the colors.”

For two of the schools, the decisions must have been relatively short-lived. By 1934, Shelby was using the nickname “Tigers.” Freesoil’s nickname had evolved into “Pirates” by the 1940s.

Earlier this year, the Hillsdale Daily News did a series of articles on the history of nicknames for schools in its coverage area. Hillsdale became the ‘Hornets’ in October 1932 following a poll of current football players and faculty. The Daily News at the time announced the nickname had won by a wide margin. Pittsford, it’s believed, first introduced its use of “Wildcats” “around the time the district consolidated in 1938.” At Waldron, “Spartans” was selected over “Lions” and “Bears” in a contest run by the school newspaper, also in 1938. “Students at the time were likely influenced by Waldron’s proximity to Michigan State University, among other factors,” noted the paper.

The Daily News piece on Litchfield was of special interest to me. The only high school in Michigan nicknamed Terriers, I didn’t know much about its origins – only that from my previous research, the nickname had survived a proposed alteration by the Litchfield Student Council during the 1956-57 school year.

“They aroused quite a discussion within the student body as to the idea of changing the name of our team – Terriers.” stated the school’s yearbook. “But the idea was dropped.”

“According to Litchfield schools employee Judy Bills, the Litchfield Terriers mascot came about through the influence of former teacher and coach Al Terry in the 1930s,” stated the Daily News article. “It was while Terry was teacher and coach in Litchfield schools that the athletic teams became known as the Litchfield Terriers, Bills said.”

For a historian, sometimes answers spur more questions.

Was Litchfield’s team nickname also swayed by Major League Baseball?

Allen Terry coached at Litchfield from 1932 through the fall of 1940 before continuing his career at Plainwell High School.

Interestingly, during that same timespan, a future MLB Hall of Fame inductee, Bill Terry, served as player-manager of the New York Giants. His team’s often grabbed newspaper headlines with a reference to the phrase, “Terry’s Terriers” in the connected article.

Did the sharing of “Terry” as a last name influence the nickname selection in Litchfield?

Who knows what the future holds for education, school districts and team nicknames across Michigan. Ypsilanti Community School students in grades 7-12 picked Grizzlies over Trailblazers and Flyers in 2013. There are six “Bears,” two “Black Bears” and a single “Polar Bears” on the MHSAA current active lists. Now there is one “Grizzlies.”

Today, “The List” contains 1,438 active and inactive high schools and totals 289 unique nicknames.

Wait.

There’s a St. Helen Charlton Heston Academy? It’s named after the actor, who played Moses in “The Ten Commandments.” It seems he spent part of his childhood in the area.

Make that 1,439.

(Thanks Eric Albright for the ‘Vic the Lion’ Story. I continue to seek out information on old departed high schools in Michigan as well as the stories behind nicknames. Please drop me a line.)

Ron Pesch has taken an active role in researching the history of MHSAA events since 1985 and began writing for MHSAA Finals programs in 1986, adding additional features and "flashbacks" in 1992. He inherited the title of MHSAA historian from the late Dick Kishpaugh following the 1993-94 school year, and resides in Muskegon. Contact him at [email protected] with ideas for historical articles.

PHOTOS: (Top) Logos which have come, and sometimes gone along with those MHSAA schools through the years. (2) Kalkaska High School – from a postcard postmarked 1908. (3) Old Pontiac High School, built in 1913-14, became known as Pontiac Central once Pontiac Northern opened in 1958. (4) Ypsilanti Willow Run’s Flyers logo. (5) The logo used by Lansing Eastern’s Quakers. (6) Litchfield’s Terrier, as it appeared on the cover of the 1963 yearbook. (7) The logo for St. Helen Charlton Heston Academy’s Patriots. (Images collected by Ron Pesch.)