Strategize for First Parent Meeting

February 25, 2015

By Scott Westfall
MSU Institute for the Study of Youth Sports

Coaches often cite parents as one of the most uncontrollable and frustrating aspects of coaching.

Let’s face it, when this relationship goes south, there can be pent-up frustration and hard feelings between the two parties which can result in a negative experience for everyone involved – especially the player who is often caught in the middle.

Establishing positive relationships with parents should happen from the moment you stand in front of them at your annual parent meeting.

Throughout this meeting, parents will be asking themselves: “Can I trust this coach with my child?” “Will this coach be fair in his/her decisions?” and “Will this coach always have my child’s best intentions in mind?”

In order to put them at ease, you must do everything possible to establish yourself as a person of integrity who is altruistic and 100 percent trustworthy. Below is a coaching checklist that will help you establish trust and credibility with your team’s parents:

Transparency – Do things openly and share information as much as possible. If something bad happens on your team, be sure that you do not sweep it under the rug. Be open and consistent with your decisions, and always follow through on what you say you are going to do.

Demonstrate Respect – Be polite and sincere with parents and let your actions show that you care. Sometimes the little things you do will resonate louder than the big things.

List Expectations – Have high expectations for the conduct of both the players and parents in your program. List these expectations, distribute them, and then talk about them with the parents. Meanwhile, let them know what they can expect from you in return (proper dress attire, appropriate language, great sportsmanship, impeccable conduct, proper treatment of game officials, etc.).

Express Loyalty – As often as possible, be sure to praise your players, assistants, and the people associated with your program. Be sure that you never take credit for other people’s work, and remember to use the word “we” as often as possible.

Be Accountable – This means taking the blame for bad results– even when it wasn’t necessarily your mistake. Admitting when something goes wrong on your watch doesn’t mean that you are a bad coach or you’ve lost control of your program. True leaders are accountable for the mistakes that happen in their programs.

Deliver Results – This is not necessarily wins and losses. Instead, deliver results on the things that really matter, such as developing a respectable team, coaching players with all passing grades and having players who do not get into trouble or break the law.

No parent meeting would be complete without a healthy dose of paperwork. To make it easier for parents to keep these papers organized, try to color-coordinate the forms and go over them slowly one at a time.

Below are the basic documents you should supply at the parent meeting (Note: Try to also have these documents accessible on your team’s website):

Coaching Philosophy – Drafting a coaching philosophy will allow parents to better understand who you are and the reasons you coach. In this document, be sure to include your fundamental beliefs along with your personal approach to coaching. (Note: Be honest in this section – Do not advertise yourself as one type of coach, but then act like another). Include a lot of “I statements” such as, “I coach for the purpose of teaching life lessons,” “I believe that student comes before athlete,” and, “I am demanding but never demeaning.” Developing and drafting a coaching philosophy not only gives parents insight into you and your program, but it also gives you an opportunity to reflect upon why you do things the way you do.

Team Policies – This is perhaps the most important document you will distribute to your team’s parents. It should list all team rules pertaining to player conduct, grades, eligibility, attendance, discipline, communication, and of course playing time! Include statements such as, “Playing time is earned – not given,” “All decisions will be made based on what is best for the team,” and, “If you have a problem, please talk to the coach.” Inform parents that student-athletes will receive equal opportunities but not equal things. These opportunities include instruction, off-season strength and conditioning programs, and support for their classes. How well student-athletes take advantage of these opportunities (attendance, focus, effort, attitude, and self-discipline) often dictates their levels of success. (Note: Before distributing this document, make sure your school’s administration/athletic director supports your team policies 100 percent).

Student-Athlete Character Contract – While many schools have had an athletic code of conduct in place for years, teams today are including an additional written set of norms for players to follow. A character contract outlines how players agree to conduct themselves as a person, student, and athlete. If you want to create more buy-in, consider drafting this contract each season with your players!

Parent Pledge Form – This document establishes the expectations you have for the parents in your program. Be sure that you include expectations for their conduct at games, having a positive disposition around the team, the treatment of players on your team along with the treatment of your opponents, letting the coaches coach, and how to act toward game officials.

Team Calendar – Be sure to include detailed information on the times and locations of all practices, team events, games, and places that players need to be. If changes are made to the team calendar throughout the course of the season, be sure you inform parents through several forms of communication (a printed note sent home, an announcement on the team website, email list, social media, etc.).

Athletic Physicals – While most doctors’ offices have a copy of these blank forms on hand, it is convenient for parents to have access to them through your school.  

Athletic Fees (if you are a “pay for play” district) – Some districts have a mandatory athletic participation fee, while other districts do not. Some districts have a waiver form for students who are on free/reduced lunch. In any of these cases, make sure you are on top of this information so you can properly inform your team’s parents at the meeting.

Conflict Resolution – The occasional conflict is almost inevitable while working in an emotionally charged environment such as athletics. However, conflicts can often be avoided or at least more easily resolved through proper forms of communication.

  • Inform parents that you are always willing to listen to their concerns; let them know that you would prefer they address an issue with you, rather than taking their frustrations to the next game and venting to anybody in the bleachers who is willing to listen.
  • In your team documents consider a statement such as, “The best tool we have in our relationship is an open line of communication. My door is always open and so is my mind.”
  • Finally, be sure to let them know that if they are upset about something to not send it through email. Email is good for information, but not communication. Try to communicate and resolve conflicts in person as much as possible.

Once you have established trust and credibility with your team’s parents, you can start building the relationship. Caution: Building a relationship with your team’s parents is not developing close friendships with them. Becoming close friends with parents actually can lead to bigger problems as you open yourself to criticism of playing favorites. Instead, build working relationships, generated through mutual respect and understanding for each other’s position in the quest of helping the young individual become a successful student-athlete. These working relationships help parents understand their optimal level of involvement, such as where and how they can fit into your program. Below are some tips for building working relationships with parents:

  • Learn their names and where they work.
  • Learn what the family likes to do when they are outside of the school setting.
  • Invite them to a team event such as a team picnic, fundraiser, or team trip.
  • Ask parents for help with certain jobs. Many parents appreciate being asked to help with team functions as it gives them an opportunity to get to know other parents and makes them feel like they matter.
  • Call them at least once per season to say hello, report on their child’s progress, and ask if there is anything you can do to be of assistance.
  • Offer additional support for their child. Helping the student-athlete outside of coaching with things such as academics and typical teen issues shows you care.
  • Offer support to the parents as well. If they are struggling to get a message across to their child, oftentimes a coach sending or reinforcing the same message makes all the difference. As a coach you hold a powerful platform with your student-athletes; use it to help with their development and maturity whenever possible.

Establishing yourself as a trustworthy and credible coach is the first step in getting parents to buy into your program. Meanwhile, providing parents with sufficient information will help them feel like you are keeping them informed and want them as a partner in your program.

Creating working relationships with parents takes time, but will be the cornerstone in establishing a positive experience for the years their children are involved with your program. While some parents may have a different background or mindset, listing your expectations will help them better understand your team’s culture and how they can fit in.

If done right, these positive working relationships should alleviate much of your coaching frustration and pay tremendous dividends in the future.

Scott Westfall has spent the last 10 years as a teacher, coach, and athletic director in Fort Collins, Colo. He currently is working on his Doctorate at Michigan State University, with an emphasis in Sport Psychology and Athletic Administration, and assisting the MHSAA with its student leadership programs. Westfall is a former athlete who participated in football, wrestling, tennis and cross country at the high school level, and rugby at the collegiate level. He can be reached at [email protected].

Record-Setting Coach, Championship Program Leader Selected for 2024 WISL Awards

By Geoff Kimmerly
MHSAA.com senior editor

January 23, 2024

On the basketball court, no woman in Michigan high school history has led her team to more victories than Bloomfield Hills Marian’s Mary Cicerone. And few schools have stacked more championships over the last decade than Ann Arbor Pioneer under the guidance of athletic director Eve Claar.

To celebrate those accomplishments, and more significantly their impacts on thousands of students over decades in those leadership positions, Cicerone and Claar have been named the 37th and 38th recipients of the Michigan High School Athletic Association’s Women In Sports Leadership Award.

Each year, the Representative Council considers the achievements of women coaches, officials and athletic administrators affiliated with the MHSAA who show exemplary leadership capabilities and positive contributions to athletics. Cicerone and Claar will receive their awards during this year’s WISL Conference, Feb. 4-5 at the Crowne Plaza Lansing West.

Cicerone retired from coaching the Bloomfield Hills Marian girls basketball team after the 2021-22 season with a record of 707-233 since taking over the program in 1983 – making her the fourth-winningest coach in MHSAA girls basketball history, and the winningest woman to lead a program.

She guided the Mustangs to six Finals championships, in Class A in 1988, 1992, 1996 and 1998 and back-to-back in Division 1 in 2014 and 2015. Her teams also won 19 Catholic High School League Central division championships, 20 overall CHSL League titles and reached the MHSAA Semifinals seven times, also finishing Class A runner-up in 1997.

“Mary Cicerone is a legend because she’s won hundreds of games and many championships, and those measurables of her success speak for themselves,” MHSAA Executive Director Mark Uyl said. “But her commitment to her teams, her sport, and leadership in women’s athletics as a whole contributed just as significantly to her tremendous legacy.”

In addition to receiving several local and statewide coaching awards over the years, Cicerone has been inducted into Halls of Fame by the University of Detroit Mercy (2007) as a player and as a coach by the Catholic High School League (1998), Basketball Coaches Association of Michigan (2017) and Marian (2022).

She has served as an officer for the Catholic League Women’s Coaches Association and in 2009 received the CHSL’s Ed Lauer Person of the Year Award.

“Being a young girl wanting to play all kinds of activities, we never had much opportunity and I participated in whatever I was able and just felt like that was something that was important to me, my friends and everybody I was associated with was always part of the same group,” Cicerone said. “I felt like (advocating for women’s sports) was something I should do because it was so important for me, and I appreciated everything everybody did for me and my friends to be able to play.

“It’s not something I needed to do – just something I wanted to do. I stepped into that role, cherished it, worked really hard at it, and hopefully made great memories – for me, for sure – and for others.”

Claar is in her 21st year as an athletic director, and over the last decade has guided one of the state’s largest athletic programs in terms of both programs and student-athletes, with 36 varsity teams and nearly 1,110 participants. The Pioneers have had ample local and statewide success during her tenure, including claiming 16 MHSAA Finals championships across seven sports over the last eight school years (including this one). Most recently, Pioneer tied for most Finals championships among Lower Peninsula schools in 2020-21 with four, were second in 2021-22 with four more, and last school year tied for most in the Lower Peninsula again with three titles.

Claar began in athletic administration as Pioneer’s assistant director from 2003-06, and she became athletic director at Bloomfield Hills Lahser at the start of the 2006-07 school year. She took over the program at Ypsilanti Lincoln as athletic director in 2009 before returning to Pioneer in 2012.

“Eve Claar continues to show the way for her programs to succeed on the field while keeping in mind the big picture of what’s important in school sports,” Uyl said. “She’s invested in providing the best experiences for Pioneer’s student-athletes, and athletes competing throughout the Southeastern Conference, while also providing support to AD colleagues and coaches who look to her for leadership and expertise.”

Claar has served as the Southeastern Conference secretary since 2009 and is the league’s sport director for softball and field hockey. She has been president of the Michigan Field Hockey League since 2018 and has served on several MHSAA sport and site selection committees and as part of the MHSAA/Farm Bureau Insurance Scholar-Athlete Award selection committee. Before becoming an athletic director, Claar worked five years in the Detroit Pistons/Detroit Shock community relations department.

She was named a Regional Athletic Director of the Year in 2019 by the Michigan Interscholastic Athletic Administrators Association (MIAAA). In 2021, she helped found the Southeastern Conference’s Women in Sports Leadership Conference for student-athletes from the league’s 14 schools.

“I started with (longtime Pioneer AD) Lorin Cartwright before me, and she was always a mentor for me. I’ve always had female leaders and mentors whether in sports for high school, over to Pioneer, with the Shock with Nancy Lieberman – I’ve been around amazing female leaders,” Claar said. “I feel at this point, 21 years into doing this, now it’s upon me to do the same. I’ve been honored when I’ve had other athletic directors reach out, other female ADs ask for support, and I’ve been able to give the support that (my mentors) gave me.”

Cicerone is a 1978 graduate of Coopersville High School, where she was a basketball all-stater and ran track, and she then starred on the basketball court at Detroit Mercy, leading the Titans to three Association for Intercollegiate Athletics for Women (AIAW) state titles and graduating as Mercy’s all-time career assists leader while earning a bachelor’s degree in education. She won the 1982 President’s Award as U-D’s most outstanding female student-athlete.

She taught primarily physical education at Marian beginning with the 1983-84 school year through her retirement 39 years later, and also coached track & field for a season at the start of her teaching career.

Claar is a 1991 graduate of North Farmington High School and earned her bachelor’s degree in business administration from Central Michigan University and master’s from Detroit Mercy. She received a teaching certificate from Wayne State University and education leadership certificate from Eastern Michigan University, and earned her certified athletic administrator (CAA) designation in 2008. Claar played basketball, volleyball and softball at North Farmington and was a BCAM Miss Basketball Award finalist in 1990. She continued as a standout at CMU, finishing her playing career in 1995, and remains among the most accomplished 3-point shooters in program history. She also served as a graduate assistant women’s basketball coach at U-D for two seasons.

More than 800 participants – mostly female high school student-athletes from across the state – have registered to attend this year’s sold-out WISL Conference, the 26th in the series that remains the first, largest and longest-running program of its type in the country.

The opening address Feb. 4 will be presented by Cathy George, the all-time winningest volleyball coach in Michigan State University history and the first head coach of the newly-created Grand Rapids Rise professional volleyball franchise. Current MSU volleyball coach Leah Johnson will speak during the morning’s general session Feb. 5 on the conference’s theme “Share the Vision” – she finished her second season leading the Spartans in the fall after coaching Illinois State University from 2017-21 and taking ISU to the NCAA Tournament her last four seasons before leaving for East Lansing.

Several workshops will be offered over the two days, with topics including coaching, teaching and learning leadership; sports nutrition and performance, and empowerment and goal-setting. Presenters are accomplished in their fields and represent a wide range of backgrounds in sport. A complete itinerary is available on the WISL page.

The first Women In Sports Leadership Award was presented in 1990. 

Past recipients

1990 – Carol Seavoy, L’Anse 
1991 – Diane Laffey, Harper Woods
1992 – Patricia Ashby, Scotts
1993 – Jo Lake, Grosse Pointe
1994 – Brenda Gatlin, Detroit
1995 – Jane Bennett, Ann Arbor
1996 – Cheryl Amos-Helmicki, Huntington Woods
1997 – Delores L. Elswick, Detroit
1998 – Karen S. Leinaar, Delton
1999 – Kathy McGee, Flint 
2000 – Pat Richardson, Grass Lake
2001 – Suzanne Martin, East Lansing
2002 – Susan Barthold, Kentwood
2003 – Nancy Clark, Flint
2004 – Kathy Vruggink Westdorp, Grand Rapids 
2005 – Barbara Redding, Capac
2006 – Melanie Miller, Lansing
2007 – Jan Sander, Warren Woods
2008 – Jane Bos, Grand Rapids
2009 – Gail Ganakas, Flint; Deb VanKuiken, Holly
2010 – Gina Mazzolini, Lansing
2011 – Ellen Pugh, West Branch; Patti Tibaldi, Traverse City
2012 – Janet Gillette, Comstock Park
2013 – Barbara Beckett, Traverse City
2014 – Teri Reyburn, DeWitt
2015 – Jean LaClair, Bronson
2016 – Betty Wroubel, Pontiac
2017 – Dottie Davis, Ann Arbor
2018 – Meg Seng, Ann Arbor
2019 – Kris Isom, Adrian
2020 – Nikki Norris, East Lansing
2021 – Dorene Ingalls, St. Ignace
2022 – Lori Hyman, Livonia
2023 – Laurie Glass, Leland

PHOTOS Bloomfield Hills Marian coach Mary Cicerone, left, huddles with her team during an MHSAA Finals weekend, and Ann Arbor Pioneer athletic director Eve Claar welcomes John and Jim Harbaugh into the school's Pioneer Hall of Fame. (Claar photo courtesy of Ann Arbor Public Schools.)