After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
Wozniak 'Crew' Serves Together in Stripes
May 1, 2019
By Tim Miller
Mio teacher, former coach and graduate
If you were to attend a high school basketball game in northeast Michigan, or watch the local sports highlights from the evening on TV, you might see a member of the Wozniak family running up and down the basketball court.
You won’t see them dribbling the ball, or pulling up for a jump shot. The pressure to get a rebound, or to play defense, is no longer part of the game plan for them. The red jersey they once wore so proudly in high school has been replaced by a black and white uniform that’s worn only by referees.
Take a drive north on M-65 and you will eventually reach the home of the famous Potato Festival, located in Posen, Michigan. Don’t expect to see a McDonald’s, Subway, or even a stoplight when you arrive. The town consists of a few small businesses, managed by a group of people who take pride in calling Posen their home.
One such family is Stanley and Virginia Wozniak, who just finished celebrating 68 years of marriage. During this time, they became the proud parents of Chuck, Ken, Cheryl, Frank, Donna, Mary Ellen, Michelle, and Linda.
Although I’ve never met Mr. and Mrs. Wozniak, it’s obvious to me, and anyone who knows their children, that they instilled some very important life lessons in them while raising them. One such lesson was getting involved. At one time Stanley was an official, so I guess it’s no surprise to see his children follow in his footsteps.
Living in northern Michigan during the winter can be brutal. Frigid temperatures and a large accumulation of snow can make it challenging. The key to surviving these long hard winters is staying busy. One such way is to attend a high school sporting event, and like so many people throughout the area, I watch as many games as I can.
Whether I’m attending a home game, or traveling out of town to an away game, it’s not uncommon to walk into a high school gym and see the Wozniak officiating crew from Posen standing courtside, patiently waiting to start the game.
What’s been striking to me over the years is to see them working as a unit, game after game. Rarely have I seen one of them working on another crew. Another lesson learned from home: family staying together. Years of experience has allowed them to officiate a regular-season game or much-anticipated playoff game with confidence.
When the game begins, I like sitting by myself. I look for the little things that players do or don’t do. I also watch the officials and compare my observations with their calls. Having watched them for many years in a variety of games, I’ve been impressed with their ability to call a game, regardless of whether it’s two teams battling to stay out of last place or a championship game packed full of screaming fans. Their passion for the game and commitment to getting it right has earned the respect of coaches, players and fans throughout northern Michigan.
They would be the first to admit they’ve made a mistake or missed a call here and there. Another lesson learned from home: be honest and stay humble. There have been games where the fans, players and coaches have disagreed with them, and a variety of facial expressions and comments have been made. It doesn’t stop them; they just keep moving forward.
They know this type of behavior comes with the territory, even though it’s the reason why so many officials have decided to quit. Another lesson learned from home: don’t give up.
The same drive that earned Donna and Mary Ellen both Female Athlete of the Year at Posen Consolidated Schools – in 1978 and 1981, respectively – fuels them on the court. While attending a girls junior high game, I witnessed Donna put an end to a loud-mouth fan. She calmly stopped the game, walked over to him, looked him square in the eyes and said, “Are you done?”
To which he replied “yes.” After speaking with him and making her point, she continued to officiate the game all by herself. For some reason, she was the only official for the game. She didn’t complain or make excuses; she simply made the best of the situation in front of her. Another lesson learned at home: don’t complain and do your best.
I’ve also seen Mary Ellen straighten out a few coaches and players during her career. Like her sister Donna, she’s not afraid to put an end to poor sportsmanship during the game.
Being an official isn’t easy. They’re constantly under scrutiny and harassment by unruly fans, coaches and players. The sacrifices they make to officiate a game often go unnoticed or are rarely even discussed. I wonder how many dinners they’ve missed with their families.
The technology used at the games has changed over time. From the Kodak camera, to the 35 millimeter, to the camcorder. And now the popular cell phone, perhaps the best and worst device ever created. Now anyone can snap a picture or record a video of an official. Spend a few minutes adding disrespectful comments, and post it online. Even through this evolution of tasteless unwarranted behavior, the Wozniaks keep rolling on.
Like all officials, they don’t do it for the money! What little they make can’t possibly offset the cost of maintaining their vehicles, gas, tires and worn out parts along the way. They do it because they love and respect the game. As spectators, we often place the blame on officials when we lose. However, I’ve never heard anyone say we won because of the officials. In my 40-plus years of watching sports, I have never seen an official miss a free throw or turn the ball over during the game, nor have I seen an official play sloppy defense. I’ve never seen them get out-coached or out-hustled by the opposing team.
We also have a tendency to undervalue the officials. Instead, we put our focus on the coaches, players and the games. That all changes in a split second when we think a foul should be called. Then, all eyes are fixed on the official, and immediate results are expected. The official is expected to see everything, which is an unrealistic expectation.
As officials, the Wozniaks do an outstanding job. Running up and down the court with a whistle in your mouth can’t be easy. I wonder how many of us could do that. I can only imagine how many inadvertent calls would be made as we tried keeping up with the players. Trying to spot every rule infraction is impossible, and yet, they keep striving to do their best. They’re not perfect, nor would you ever hear one of them claim to be. However, they’re doing something that the majority of fans, coaches and players would never even consider! They’re willing to put that official’s uniform on and have the courage, determination and commitment to doing the best job they can.
Over the years, I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know them. They have the ability to look past those negatives. They choose to remember the big games, the respectful players, the quality coaches, the new friendships they made, and most important of all, spend time on the court with one another.
Here are some of their amazing accomplishments:
• Chuck has been an official for 46 years. During this time, he has officiated multiple playoff games for girls and boys basketball, including MHSAA Semifinal and Final games. He was the track coach at Posen Consolidated Schools for 38 years and is currently a member of the Posen Fire Department.
• Ken has been an official for 43 years. He has officiated multiple playoff games for girls and boys basketball as well, including Semifinal and Final games. He currently serves on the Posen Consolidated School Board and has for the last 19 years – 17 as school board president.
• Frank has been an official for 42 years and has been selected to work a Basketball Semifinal. He coached junior varsity boys basketball for four years and umpired youth softball and basketball for many more. He was also the director of the local softball tournaments in Posen for 13 years.
• Donna has been an official for 41 years, working multiple playoff games for girls and boys basketball including Semifinals and Finals – including a boys Semifinal. She may be one of the most respected officials in Michigan, at any level! She coached softball at Posen Consolidated Schools and coached youth softball and basketball in the community for many years.
• Mary Ellen has been an official for 34 years and was selected to officiate a Girls Basketball Semifinal. She coached the varsity girls basketball team at Posen Consolidated Schools for nine years. She is currently an assistant coach for the Alpena Community College softball team.
• Linda officiated volleyball for 13 years. She volunteers at a variety of youth events throughout the community. She runs the scoreboard at athletic events, along with keeping the books. She is currently the class advisor for the graduating class of 2019 at Posen Consolidated Schools. She’s also involved in the chamber of commerce, where she served as treasurer for eight years.
• Although Cheryl doesn’t officiate, she’s involved in her community in many ways. She volunteers her time in the sports booster program and the little league programs. She was the secretary of the sports boosters for 15 years and selected as its “Volunteer of the Year.” She’s a strong supporter of promoting youth sports in her community.
• Michelle is also a strong supporter of youth programs in Posen and Alpena. She was selected as Female Athlete of the Year at Posen Consolidated Schools in 1983 and was appointed by former Governor Rick Snyder to serve on the Michigan Public Health Advisory Council. Like the rest of her siblings, she continues to stay involved in her community and volunteers in a variety of ways.
Aside from high school basketball games, the Wozniaks also have officiated other sports such as volleyball, track, and softball, and basketball at the college level.
I’m not sure how many more years the Wozniaks will continue to officiate. Hopefully for the coaches, players and fans, they’ll continue until they can’t run up and down the court anymore.
I can’t imagine how many whistles they’ve went through, or how many shoes they’ve bought along the way. The miles they’ve put on their vehicles, or the worn out tires they’ve replaced. The time they’ve missed with their families, or the TV shows they couldn’t watch. The quick meals eaten on the road, or the leftovers waiting at home.
Jonathan Lockwood Huie once said, “The path to your own happiness is usually found in service.” With all those years of officiating games and volunteering in their community, the Wozniaks understand the value of service. My guess is they’ve never heard of Johnathan Lockwood Huie, but his quote is deeply embedded in their DNA. They learned it from their parents; it’s the Wozniak way. Get involved, stay close to family and cherish your time together.
It’s the same formula that Stanley and Virginia used to spend 68 years together in marriage. So, Mr. and Mrs. Wozniak, thanks for teaching your children all those life lessons. To their spouses and families, thanks for sharing them. To the Wozniak crew, thanks for all the years you’ve dedicated to high school sports!
I can only imagine what they’ve seen and experienced during this time span. My guess is they could write a book filled with memories. The long drives, the late nights, the fall colors, the cornfields, the pumpkin patches, the icy roads, the snowstorms, the road construction, the price of gas, the vehicle mishaps, the missed deer, the big bucks, the coaches both good and bad, the great players and the not-so-great, the big games, the ejections, the technicals, the broken scoreboards, the athletic directors, the uniform styles, those ugly tube socks, the hairstyles, the rule changes, the news clips, the gyms, the good fans and the bad ones, the songs on the radio, the tickets, those aching body parts, who drove the most, who napped the most and the friendships made along the way.
Finding a family like the Wozniaks is rare. Becoming an official is one thing; doing it for 30 to 40 years is remarkable. What an impressive run – what a commitment to high school sports. So many games, so many stories, a lifetime of memories in the gym, on the track, at the softball field and in the car.
Eventually, the time will come when they decide to hang up their whistles for good. After it happens, I can picture them all sitting around the table on a cold winter night, drinking a cup of hot coffee, reflecting on their careers and all those games, all those memories, all those years, the stories, the laughs, and the time spent together as a family.
PHOTOS provided by Tim Miller.