After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
Play it Safe: Basics of Proper Helmet Use
February 4, 2020
Henry Ford Health System
If you or your child plays sports or participates in physically risky activities, wearing a helmet could be lifesaving. While no helmet is concussion-proof, wearing one can help reduce the risk of serious head injuries.
"Helmets are made with materials that help reduce impact to the head, protecting the skull from damage," says Jeffrey Kutcher, M.D., a sports neurologist who treats athletes at the Henry Ford Kutcher Clinic for Concussion and Sports Neurology. "You should be wearing a helmet whether you're playing a contact sport or riding something on a hard surface, such as a bike, scooter, skateboard or rollerblades."
Head Injury Prevention 101: Helmet Buying Basics
All helmets are certified at the same level for multi-use recreational activities. So there's no need to search for a specific seal or rating. Instead, when you're purchasing a helmet — or getting one second-hand — focus on these four factors:
How you’ll use it:
Pay attention to the risks involved with the activity you're doing. If you're biking, skiing or snowboarding, for example, you're wearing a helmet in case you get hit, not because you'll get hit.
There are two types of helmets: single-impact and multiple-impact. Single-impact helmets are made with foam materials that break down when hit as part of their force mitigating strategy. These helmets work well for bicycling, skateboarding, skiing or snowboarding. Multiple-impact helmets, such as those designed for sports like football, hockey and lacrosse, can withstand many hits over an entire season. The materials in these helmets don't break down, but rather compress and regain their original form.
"A helmet may perform better in the lab — for example, the dummy brain will experience 98Gs of force instead of 100Gs — but 2Gs of force probably won't make enough of a difference with a one-time injury," Dr. Kutcher says. "But 2Gs less force per hit for a linebacker who suffers multiple blows on a daily basis for many years? That could make a big difference.”
If football is your sport, the National Football League provides a helmet rating system that assesses helmets based on their ability to mitigate force over time.
How it fits:
Helmets fit differently depending on the make, style and type of sport they’re made for. "The key is making sure the helmet covers the entire skull and doesn't move around when in use," Dr. Kutcher says. The helmet should sit on the head without falling forward or backward. If you're relying only on a chinstrap to keep it in place, you don't have the right fit.
How comfortable it is:
Not all helmet brands fit every head. Helmet designs vary just like running shoes do. When you're shopping for a helmet, make sure it's snug, but not tight or uncomfortable. Comfort is critical, especially for kids. "You don't want a child to develop a negative association with wearing a protective helmet," Dr. Kutcher says.
What condition it’s in:
To get the most protection, your helmet should be in top condition. Do not wear a cracked or broken helmet, or one that has been involved in a crash or similar event (unless it's a multiple-impact design). An impact can crush foam materials. And don't allow the helmet to get too hot or cold — that can cause the materials to break down over time.
Get the Best Helmet Fit for Your Head
Properly wearing a helmet provides the greatest defense against injury — more than any style or brand. To make sure your helmet is secure, follow these rules:
· Measure head circumference: Every helmet brand provides a size chart, along with instructions about how to select the best fit. To get the best measurement, use a cloth tape to measure your head circumference. Place the tape about an inch above the eyebrows, keeping it level from front to back. If the measurement falls between sizes, select the smaller size.
· Pay attention to hairstyles: Make sure to try the helmet on with the hairstyle you'll have during the activity. A long-haired bike rider who gets a short haircut may require a helmet adjustment.
· Watch your vision: The helmet should not block your vision. You should be able to see straight ahead and side to side.
To Wear a Helmet or Not To Wear a Helmet: When to Play It Safe
There are several sports that don't require wearing a helmet. But if you or your child is involved in rugby or soccer, or another sport where helmets are optional, that doesn’t mean you're in the clear.
"It's important to base any decision about whether or not to wear a helmet in conjunction with your sports neurologist," notes Dr. Kutcher. "Your past medical history and current health status may still warrant the use of a helmet."
Unsure whether you're at risk of sustaining a head injury? Get a brain health baseline evaluation. Proper consideration of your brain health includes a physical examination, along with a personal and family medical and neurological history. It also offers you an opportunity to learn how to best protect your head.
Related Topic: 7 Tips for Recovering Mentally After a Sports Injury
Dr. Jeffrey Kutcher is a sports neurologist at the Henry Ford Concussion and Sports Neurology Clinic and the global director of the Kutcher Clinic.
Want to learn more? Henry Ford Health System sports medicine experts are treating the whole athlete, in a whole new way. From nutrition to neurology, and from injury prevention to treatment of sports-related conditions, they can give your athlete a unique game plan.
Visit henryford.com/sports or call (313) 972-4216 for an appointment within 24 business hours.