After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
Adjust Your Workout When Gym Isn't Option
April 6, 2020
Henry Ford Health System
Feeling at a loss about not being able to stick to your normal workout routine? You’re not alone.
Social distancing during the COVID-19 outbreak has resulted in people all over the world having to adjust their schedules to accommodate working from home, schooling and caring for kids, and finding ways to maintain as much of a “normal” schedule as possible.
As a result, many people are struggling to figure out how to get a good workout in without the help of gym equipment or a personal trainer.
“Anxiety over the current situation can add to a lack of motivation to work out,” says Brianna Gauna, an athletic trainer for Henry Ford Health System. “But just remember how beneficial it is to move your body, even if it is just around the house.”
How a Routine Change Affects Your Body
If you are used to working out every day or going hard at the gym on a regular basis, a short rest period from your routine might have its advantages.
“Taking time to rest can actually be a really good thing because it allows your body to recover,” says Gauna. “You might even start to see more muscle tone set in as you give your body a break.”
On the other hand, if you usually work out a few times throughout the week and suddenly stop, the results may cause negative effects. You may experience:
- Increased resting heart rate
- Less energy
- Change in mood or emotions
- Loss of sleep
How to Work Out at Home
Being stuck at home is not an excuse to skip a daily workout. Everyone works out a little differently, and there are plenty of options for you to stay active and try out new forms of exercise.
“Whether you are used to strength training or cardio, think about what your fitness goals are and choose activities based on what you’d like to achieve,” says Gauna.
Here are some ideas to keep you and your family active:
1. Yoga. Practicing yoga requires a great deal of muscle strength and balance. It is best for a full body workout. Look to YouTube or free apps on your phone for beginner workout videos that you can follow along.
2. HIIT workouts. These workouts are best for getting your heart pumping and increasing your stamina. Try choosing four exercises from the following list. (Search YouTube or Google for examples if you are not sure what each of these entails.) Do one exercise at a time for 30 seconds and then give yourself 20 seconds of rest before moving on to the next exercise. After you get through one rotation of those exercises, repeat three more times.
- Squats
- Push-ups
- Lunges
- Burpees
- Mountain climbers
- Glute bridges
3. Running or walking. Many apps allow you to track your run on a map, so you can plan out your route in your own neighborhood. This allows you to adjust how far you run or how much time you have for a run. A brisk walk through the neighborhood also works.
4. Biking. Biking is a great low-impact workout that works to engage and tone leg muscles. (Remember to wear a helmet!)
5. Team sports. If you are looking for something to engage you and your family, team sports are the way to go. Kick a soccer ball around, try to race through an obstacle course while dribbling a basketball or take turns throwing a football. If you don’t have the equipment, try playing keep-away with a stuffed animal or set up a relay race.
Exercise by Age and Fitness Level
The younger you are, chances are you have a faster metabolism. If you can’t get to a gym, think about how active you usually are and gauge the length of your workout from there.
If you are using this time to get started on your fitness journey, use these recommendations as a starting point:
Ages 7-17: 1-2 hours. Athletes that are used to going to weekly practices may find that two-hour workouts are more suitable.
Ages 18-30: About an hour. Look for times throughout the day that you can squeeze in workouts. Maybe you do yoga in the morning, a HIIT workout in the afternoon and a walk after dinner.
Ages 31-49: About a half hour. If you have children or a pet, you may find that you are already spending more time being active than this!
Ages 50 and up: At least 10-15 minutes. Gauge this based on your own abilities. You may live a more active lifestyle that allows you to be very active throughout the day. If you find yourself struggling to meet this mark, consider a walk during the day or stretches in the morning.
Once you get a regular fitness routine in place, work your way up to longer or more intense workouts to keep yourself challenged.
Making Your Own Equipment
If you have a treadmill, stationary bike or elliptical machine at home, now is the time to clear off the laundry it may have been collecting. If you don’t have access to weights or other gym equipment, though, that doesn’t mean you have to miss out on a quality workout. Look for things around your house that you can use in their place – get creative!
- Bags of beans, rice or pet food as added weight for squats or lunges
- Old books/textbooks as dumbbells
- A chair for triceps dips, calf raises or for stability during yoga
- Stairs to run sprints or to help you stretch out leg muscles
When your day-to-day routine is shaken up, do what you can to create normalcy in your life. If you find you have more free time throughout the day, take that time to get moving – even if it’s running up and down the stairs or going for a walk around the block.
“Don’t worry about feeling silly for switching up your routine,” adds Gauna. “Whether that’s using a random object for added weight during a workout or trying to remember how to ride a bike again on your street, think about yourself and your fitness goals first. Don’t let thoughts of what other people think of you get in the way of you reaching your goals!”
Want to learn more? Henry Ford Health System sports medicine experts are treating the whole athlete, in a whole new way. From nutrition to neurology, and from injury prevention to treatment of sports-related conditions, they can give your athlete a unique game plan.
Visit henryford.com/sports or call (313) 972-4216 for an appointment within 24 business hours.
PHOTOS: (Clockwise from left) MHSAA Student Advisory Council members Abigail Pheiffer of Novi, Lydia Davenport of Ithaca and Trevin Phillips of Caro will be working to stay in shape while staying home these next many weeks.