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After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
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NFHS Voice: Football's Promising Results
September 9, 2020
By Karissa Niehoff
NFHS Executive Director
Normally at this time of year, the NFHS releases the latest figures from its annual High School Athletics Participation Survey. One of the most important and successful endeavors in the organization’s history, the NFHS has collected participation data through its 51 member state associations annually since 1971.
Before the 2018-19 school year, the number of participants in high school sports had increased for 29 consecutive years. Despite the first decline last year since 1988, we anticipated a quick turnaround in 2019-20 because of the continued strength of education-based high school athletics programs across the country.
There were encouraging reports last fall that football participation numbers were headed in a more positive direction. Interest in other fall sports continued to be at a high level, and winter sports were experiencing tremendous success. Then came the pandemic in mid-March, which shut down all high school sports competition.
Two-thirds of the states were unable to complete state basketball tournaments, and participants in the traditional spring sports of baseball, softball, track and field, and lacrosse – in most cases – were never able to take the field.
With spring sports unable to even get off the ground, state associations could not compile comprehensive surveys of sports participation for the 2019-20 school year. As a result, for the first time in the 50-year history of the survey, the NFHS is unable to release its annual summary of high school sports participation.
However, there is a silver lining to report. Though complete statistics are unavailable, numbers from a couple of sports last fall were obtained; and the optimism surrounding a positive trend in football participation came to fruition.
After annual declines of 23,311, 20,540 and 30,829 the past three years, participation by boys in high school 11-player football in 2019 dropped by only 2,489 – from 1,006,013 to 1,003,524. These numbers suggest to us that parents are appreciative of the risk minimization efforts that have been put in place. Every state has enacted rules that limit the amount of contact before the season and during practice, and every state has established concussion protocols and laws.
Participation in 11-player football reached an all-time high of 1,112,303 in 2008-09, and except for 2013-14, has declined every year since; however, this year’s decline is the smallest in 10 years.
The continued enthusiasm for football has been evident this fall – even amid the COVID-19 pandemic. State associations have worked with government, education and health leaders to do everything possible to offer the sport at some time during the 2020-21 season.
Some of the 34 states that are conducting football this fall have started play, and there is a special sense of gratitude on the part of students, coaches, officials and fans for the opportunity. While there may be pauses with some players and teams quarantined, and while 17 other states will not play until later in the school year, the excitement and anticipation of Friday Night Lights continues.
In addition to football, girls volleyball continued its tremendous growth last fall, increasing by 9,751 participants for a total of 462,559. In the past 10 years, the sport has added 60,000 participants and has passed basketball as the No. 2 sport for girls behind track and field.
Though a complete participation report for 2019-20 will not be available due to the loss of spring sports, totals on more fall and winter sports from 2019-20 will be formulated in the coming weeks. Judging from the early returns, it appears the past year’s participation numbers would have started the NFHS on a new streak of record participation if spring sports had not been cancelled.
Most likely, next year’s participation survey will be anything but ordinary as well. Regardless of the challenges in compiling participation statistics in 2020-21, the opportunity and desire to participate in all education-based activities remain.
Dr. Karissa L. Niehoff is starting her third year as executive director of the National Federation of State High School Associations (NFHS) in Indianapolis, Indiana. She is the first female to head the national leadership organization for high school athletics and performing arts activities and the sixth full-time executive director of the NFHS, which celebrated its 100th year of service during the 2018-19 school year. She previously was executive director of the Connecticut Association of Schools-Connecticut Interscholastic Athletic Conference for seven years.