Strategize for First Parent Meeting
November 12, 2014
By Scott Westfall
Coaches often cite parents as one of the most uncontrollable and frustrating aspects of coaching.
Let’s face it, when this relationship goes south, there can be pent-up frustration and hard feelings between the two parties which can result in a negative experience for everyone involved – especially the player who often is caught in the middle.
Establishing positive relationships with parents should happen from the moment you stand in front of them at your annual parent meeting.
Throughout this meeting parents will be asking themselves: “Can I trust this coach with my child?” “Will this coach be fair in his/her decisions?” and “Will this coach always have my child’s best intentions in mind?”
In order to put them at ease, you must do everything possible to establish yourself as a person of integrity who is altruistic and 100 percent trustworthy. Below is a coaching checklist that will help you establish trust and credibility with your team’s parents:
- Transparency – Do things openly and share information as much as possible. If something bad happens on your team, be sure that you do not sweep it under the rug. Be open and consistent with your decisions, and always follow through on what you say you are going to do.
- Demonstrate Respect – Be polite and sincere with parents and let your actions show that you care. Sometimes the little things you do will resonate louder than the big things.
- List Expectations – Have high expectations for the conduct of both the players and parents in your program. List these expectations, distribute them, and then talk about them with the parents. Meanwhile, let them know what they can expect from you in return (proper dress attire, appropriate language, great sportsmanship, impeccable conduct, proper treatment of game officials, etc.).
- Express Loyalty – As often as possible, be sure to praise your players, assistants, and the people associated with your program. Be sure that you never take credit for other people’s work, and remember to use the word “we” as often as possible.
- Be Accountable – This means taking the blame for bad results– even when it wasn’t necessarily your mistake. Admitting when something goes wrong on your watch doesn’t mean that you are a bad coach or you’ve lost control of your program. True leaders are accountable for the mistakes that happen in their programs.
- Deliver Results – This is not necessarily wins and losses. Instead, deliver results on the things that really matter, such as developing a respectable team, coaching players with all passing grades and having players who do not get into trouble or break the law.
No parent meeting would be complete without a healthy dose of paperwork. To make it easier for parents to keep these papers organized, try to color-coordinate the forms and go over them slowly one at a time. Below are the basic documents you should supply at the parent meeting (Note: Try to also have these documents accessible on your team’s website):
- Coaching Philosophy – Drafting a coaching philosophy will allow parents to better understand who you are and the reasons why you coach. In this document, be sure to include your fundamental beliefs along with your personal approach to coaching. (Note: Be honest in this section – Do not advertise yourself as one type of coach, but then act like another.) Include a lot of “I statements” such as, “I coach for the purpose of teaching life lessons,” “I believe that student comes before athlete,” and, “I am demanding but never demeaning.” Developing and drafting a coaching philosophy not only gives parents insight into you and your program, but also gives you an opportunity to reflect upon why you do things the way you do.
- Team Policies – This is perhaps the most important document you will distribute to your team’s parents. It should list all team rules pertaining to player conduct, grades, eligibility, attendance, discipline, communication, and of course playing time! Include statements such as, “Playing time is earned – not given,” “All decisions will be made based on what is best for the team,” and, “If you have a problem, please talk to the coach.” Inform parents that student-athletes will receive equal opportunities but not equal things. These opportunities include instruction, off-season strength and conditioning programs, and support for their classes. How well student-athletes take advantage of these opportunities (attendance, focus, effort, attitude, and self-discipline) often dictates their levels of success. (Note: Before distributing this document, make sure that your school’s administration/athletic director supports your team policies 100 percent).
- Student-Athlete Character Contract – While many schools have had an athletic code of conduct in place for years, teams today are including an additional written set of norms for players to follow. A character contract outlines how players agree to conduct themselves as a person, student, and athlete. If you want to create more buy-in, consider drafting this contract each season with your players!
- Parent Pledge Form – This document establishes the expectations you have for the parents in your program. Be sure that you include expectations for their conduct at games, having a positive disposition around the team, the treatment of players on your team along with the treatment of your opponents, letting the coaches coach, and how to act toward game officials.
- Team Calendar – Be sure to include detailed information on the times and locations of all practices, team events, games, and places that players need to be. If changes are made to the team calendar throughout the course of the season, be sure you inform parents through several forms of communication (a printed note sent home, an announcement on the team website, email list, social media, etc.).
- Athletic Physicals – While most doctors’ offices have a copy of these blank forms on hand, it is convenient for parents to have access to them through your school.
- Athletic Fees (if you are in a “pay for play” district) – Some districts have a mandatory athletic participation fee, while other districts do not. Some districts have a waiver form for students who are on free/reduced lunch. In any of these cases, make sure that you are on top of this information so you can properly inform your team’s parents at the meeting.
- Conflict Resolution – The occasional conflict is almost inevitable while working in an emotionally charged environment such as athletics. However, conflicts can often be avoided or at least more easily resolved through proper forms of communication.
1. Inform parents that you are always willing to listen to their concerns; let them know that you would prefer they address an issue with you, rather than taking their frustrations to the next game and venting to anybody in the bleachers who is willing to listen.
2. In in your team documents consider a statement such as, “The best tool we have in our relationship is an open line of communication. My door is always open, and so is my mind.”
3. Finally, be sure to let them know that if they are upset about something to not send it through email. Email is good for information, but not communication. Try to communicate and resolve conflicts in person as much as possible.
Once you have established trust and credibility with your team’s parents, you can start building the relationship. Caution: Building a relationship with your team’s parents is not developing close friendships with them. Becoming close friends with parents can actually lead to bigger problems as you open yourself to criticism of playing favorites.
Instead, build working relationships, generated through mutual respect and understanding for each other’s position in the quest of helping the young individual become a successful student-athlete. These working relationships help parents understand their optimal level of involvement, such as where and how they can fit into your program. Below are some tips for building working relationships with parents:
- Learn their names and where they work.
- Learn what the family likes to do when they are outside of the school setting.
- Invite them to a team event such as a team picnic, fundraiser, or team trip.
- Ask parents for help with certain jobs. Many parents appreciate being asked to help with team functions as it gives them an opportunity to get to know other parents and makes them feel like they matter.
- Call them at least once per season to say hello, report on their child’s progress, and ask if there is anything you can do to be of assistance.
- Offer additional support for their child. Helping the student-athlete outside of coaching with things such as academics and typical teen issues shows that you care.
- Offer support to the parents as well. If they are struggling to get a message across to their child, oftentimes a coach sending or reinforcing the same message makes all the difference. As a coach you hold a powerful platform with your student-athletes; use it to help with their development and maturity whenever possible.
Establishing yourself as a trustworthy and credible coach is the first step in getting parents to buy into your program. Meanwhile, providing parents with sufficient information will help them feel like you are keeping them informed and want them as a partner in your program.
Creating working relationships with parents takes time, but will be the cornerstone in establishing a positive experience for the years their children are involved with your program. While some parents may have a different background or mindset, listing your expectations will help them better understand your team’s culture and how they can fit in. If done right, these positive working relationships should alleviate much of your coaching frustration and pay tremendous dividends in the future.
Scott Westfall previously spent 10 years as a teacher, coach, and athletic director in Fort Collins, Colo. He currently is working on his Doctorate at Michigan State University, with an emphasis in Sport Psychology and Athletic Administration, and assisting the MHSAA with its student leadership programs. Westfall is a former athlete who participated in football, wrestling, tennis and cross country at the high school level, and rugby at the collegiate level. He can be reached at [email protected].
Next Play: Heart of the Matter
June 25, 2015
By Rob Kaminski
MHSAA benchmarks editor
From the retirement of NFL players in their mid-20s fearing long-term disability, to NASCAR drivers suffering injuries against concrete walls when alternative substances are available, to MLB outfielders running into barriers which place aesthetics and tradition over safety, the focus of highlight shows, apps and old-fashioned sports pages is shifting from action inside the lines to the sidelines.
As the reality of human vulnerability continues to invade our favorite escape from reality – athletics – protecting those in the spotlight needs to be Job 1.
While the quest for risk management protocols and health and safety provisions is a never-ending loop, the MHSAA bolted from the starting blocks with a 4H plan (Health Histories, Heads, Heat and Hearts) in the fall of 2009, a mission that enters the fourth turn for the 2015-16 school year.
And, as pulse quickens for the “Heart” stage in the fall, the MHSAA will continue to step up initiatives involving the other three initiatives during the next lap.Think of it as a continuous relay, where the baton is never dropped and fresh runners continue the race.
While organizations at other levels might be asking, “What to do,” the MHSAA is focusing on “What’s next?”
In this playbook the next plays are critical in allowing student-athletes to continue providing their communities with inexpensive and entertaining breaks from reality.
The Heart of the Matter
The 2015-16 school year brings with it an ambitious but paramount stage in the MHSAA’s mission to protect and promote the well being of student-athletes across the state.
Beginning in the fall, all high school varsity coaches will need to have Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR) certification by established deadlines which correspond to rules meetings.
The requirement is new, and the volume of personnel affected is vast. Yet, plans have been in place during the past few years, and schools in many communities are ahead of the curve.
“We’ve fielded some questions regarding the requirement, but I think that many of our schools already have similar protocols in place,” said MHSAA assistant director Kathy Vruggink Westdorp. “Increasingly, schools have become more prudent with regards to health and safety, and programs which emphasize these initiatives have been well received.”
Pete Ryan, MHSAA Representative Council member and athletic director for Saginaw Township Community Schools, concurs.
“The CPR requirement will not be a change for Heritage, as we have required CPR for eight years,” Ryan said. “We offer certification through our district nurse at no charge to the coaches and train about 20-30 coaches per year.”
The training vehicle might vary from district to district, but so long as the end result is certification, the coaches are free to take course by any means possible, whether online or in person.
“I think we’ll see a blend of online and classroom delivery,” Westdorp said. “And, I don’t think it will be just the coaches. At the MIAAA Conference (in March), school leaders were proactive in terms of certification for athletic directors, too.”
Mike Bakker, President of the Michigan Interscholastic Athletic Administrators Association and athletic director at Fenton High School, says CPR certification is a must in the risk management plans for all school settings.
“As an educator who has been a CPR and first aid instructor for the American Heart Association for a number of years, I am excited that the MHSAA will require CPR training for varsity coaches,” Bakker said.
“I certainly hope that in the future we will see that all coaches are trained in CPR. There might be a bit of a challenge at first to get our coaches trained, as schools look for the most economical as well as timely way to accomplish this mandate. The biggest hurdle that I can foresee is trying to find qualified trainers in all areas of the state that have multiple training dates available to fit the needs of such diverse coaching staffs.”
Ryan believes there is no substitute for the personal touch.
“We are doing in-person training which I feel is better because the individuals have to perform the procedure on the practice dummy," he said. "It’s simply more hands-on training.”
School nurses and trainers will play a substantial role in the certification process, as will community health organizations in many locales.
“In many of our schools, the health educators are certified to conduct CPR courses,” Westdorp said. “We’ve also had numerous calls from non-school entities alerting us to their availability to provide training, such as fire departments and local medical centers.”
Fenton is one such school with the luxury of on-site personnel to train its staff.
“We are fortunate in Fenton that our athletic trainer and athletic director are certified trainers so we can accomplish our training in-house, but I know that not all schools are as fortunate,” Bakker said.
Which is exactly why it’s necessary for coaches to become certified, and ideally not just the head coaches.
“It should be encouraged that all coaching staff become CPR certified so that they are able to take action, especially for schools which do not have an athletic trainer on staff and if the head coach is unavailable or present, in the unfortunate event that a potential cardiac emergency and/or sudden-death incident occurs,” said certified athletic trainer Gretchen Mohney, the Clinical Coordinator and Instructor for Western Michigan University Undergraduate Athletic Training Program.
Mark Mattson, athletic director at Traverse City Central, indicated that while not previously a requirement, the district has been proactive in prepping the coaches.
“From the moment the requirement was announced, we've been out in front of it,” Mattson said. “What’s great is, even though it hasn’t been a requirement for Traverse City Area Public Schools, many coaches are indeed already certified. The district also offers training sessions once a month and those dates are passed on to our coaches. Jason Carmien (AD at Traverse City West) and I have also had conversations about providing training at our preseason coaches meeting for those still in need prior to the start of the fall season.”
Coaches can also count on a familiar training source to come through for certification: the MHSAA Coaches Advancement Program. Westdorp, who heads up the expansive continuing education program for the state’s coaches, envisions coursework at select sites which will build CPR training into the session, giving attendees more added incentive and training opportunities.
CAP has also served as a siren to inform and remind the MHSAA’s constituents about the upcoming regulation.
“In all CAP courses this school year, we’ve been educating the coaches about the CPR requirement,” Westdorp said. “We also can format the courses to include a two-hour block for CPR certification within the CAP training. We could even do it with a league and conference group where we set up rotations, and the CPR aspect would be one of the rotations.”
Westdorp added that many athletic directors currently schedule coaches meetings and additional coursework around CAP training. It’s a perfect fit to deliver pertinent messages while all parties are in one location.
Such gatherings could also provide the opportunity for athletic leaders to share emergency action plans.
Along with the CPR component of the MHSAA’s health mission for the coming school year, schools will be asked to have in place and rehearse emergency action plans involving cardiac and other health-related emergencies.
To assist, schools will receive this summer the “Anyone Can Save a Life” program developed by the Minnesota State High School League and endorsed and delivered nationally by the National Federation of State High School Associations (check back for more on this program later this week).
“The ‘Anyone Can Save A Life’ initiative promotes the need to have and to practice planning for different kinds of emergencies; it involves students as well as adults; and it invites schools to include their previously existing plans,” said MHSAA Executive Director Jack Roberts.
“The result can be a fresh, comprehensive emphasis on preparing for emergencies well before they occur and then responding with more confidence when those emergencies inevitably happen. It is the perfect link between the last two years when we focused on heat illness and the next two years when we focus on sudden cardiac arrest,” Roberts added.
It will also be of primary concern to place automated external defibrillators (AEDs) in all schools and provide training for use of the devices.
The reasoning behind such a full-court press can be backed by simple facts.
- At any one time, an estimated 20 percent of the U.S. population congregates on school grounds, increasing the likelihood of school-based cardiac emergencies.
- Victims of SCA can be brought back to life by providing chest compressions and early defibrillation with an AED.
- Every second counts. When SCA occurs, chest compressions and the use of an AED need to start immediately.
- The AED can only help and will only deliver a shock if it is needed.
- The AED is very easy to use. Just turn it on and follow the voice prompts.
The best way to combat such situations is to create an atmosphere of preparedness; making sure all people in close proximity to potential victims can respond with quickness, confidence and precision to help reduce fatalities.
“In order for best practices to be achieved, it will require coordinated efforts to establish a quality emergency action plan among the entire athletic department staff, which should be practiced annually. This should be viewed as the first line of preparedness and defense in sports safety,” said James Lioy, an adjunct professor in athletic training at WMU who was named Michigan High School Athletic Trainer of the year in 2000-01.
That’s the goal of action plans such as those included in MHSAA CAP Levels and the Anyone Can Save A Life program.
“We've taken the ‘know-how’ out of it. You don't have to know how to perform the medical procedures to be trained and prepared as part of an effective emergency response team,” said Jody Redman, associate director of the Minnesota State High School League and one of the authors of the Anyone Can Save a Life program.
A common refrain in athletics to assign perspective on sport in society is, “It’s just a game; it’s not life or death.”
However, in the most dire of circumstances, participants indeed can be faced with life or death. Knowing how to respond can make all the difference.