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After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
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NFHS Voice: Viewership Continues to Climb
February 28, 2020
By Karissa Niehoff
NFHS Executive Director
Often, the public’s concept of high school sports is a football or basketball game televised on a national cable channel between highly-ranked prep teams from different parts of the country – or the game-by-game tracking of “star” players like LeBron James or Zion Williamson by national media sources.
And why not? That is the way we follow college and professional sports. While there are certainly fans with loyalties to hometown teams, most viewers want to watch the best teams. When it comes to prime-time games, the networks are only going to feature the top teams and players.
The answer to the above question, very simply, is that high school sports are different. While there are about three percent of the almost eight million participants in high school sports who may play in those marquee college or professional games on television, the true stories of education-based athletics reside with the other 97 percent.
As the national leader and advocate for high school sports and performing arts programs in the United States, the NFHS is always looking for ways to showcase education-based activities in our nation’s schools and to demonstrate the accomplishments of the millions of participants in all sports.
And for the past seven years through the NFHS Network, we have been doing just that. In addition to the estimated 350 million fans who attend high school games annually, the NFHS has added opportunities for millions of others to watch high school sports through the streaming of more than 100,000 events last year at www.NFHSNetwork.com.
While viewers – and there were more than 14 million visits to the site last year – may be able to watch future college and pro players on the NFHS Network, that’s not the focus of those watching games on their phones, tablets or computers. Instead, the Network provides an opportunity for individuals to support their high school teams – perhaps in another part of the country years after graduating from high school. With the 100,000-plus events last year featuring numerous sports and events and divided 50-50 between girls and boys sports, the Network also offers parents or grandparents the chance to watch their kids’ and grandkids’ games when distances prevent attending games.
Although there was concern by some when we started this venture that streaming high school games on the Internet would adversely affect in-stadium attendance, such has not been the case. About 70 percent of NFHS Network subscribers watch games from beyond a drivable distance.
And the best stories are when the driving distances are REALLY not favorable – as in some other parts of the world. Easily the most heartwarming aspect of the NFHS Network has been the opportunity for men and women overseas in the military to watch their sons and daughters play high school sports. These are truly priceless moments.
While there is still nothing like actually watching a high school game in person, we recognize that technology has provided options for people in all areas of daily life. So, the opportunity to bring high school sports right into the home through the NFHS Network has been a dream come true.
Dr. Karissa L. Niehoff is in her second year as executive director of the National Federation of State High School Associations (NFHS) in Indianapolis, Indiana. She is the first female to head the national leadership organization for high school athletics and performing arts activities and the sixth full-time executive director of the NFHS, which celebrated its 100th year of service during the 2018-19 school year. She previously was executive director of the Connecticut Association of Schools-Connecticut Interscholastic Athletic Conference for seven years.