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After the Game: What do you say?
April 20, 2017
By Kevin Wolma
Hudsonville Athletic Director
“I love to watch you play.” Those are the six words a son or daughter wants to hear from his or her parents after a game.
What if your child does not play? What do you say then? Parents can’t say, “I love to watch you play” when your child does not play, nor can they say other post-competition statements like:
“Did you fight like a dog?”
“Did you have fun?”
It is hard to fight like a dog when not given the opportunity, and we all know players have more fun when they play in the game. When you google the phrase, “what to say after a game,” there are all sorts of articles written with some of them backed by research. However, when you google the phrase – “what to say when your kid does not play” – very little comes out of that search.
Why?
This is a hard and very sensitive area for most parents to come up with the right thing to say.
Before we talk about what to say in this situation, it may be more important to discuss what not to say after a game where your child does not play. Some of the comments all parents should avoid are:
“Why have you not played in the last three games? Your coach must not like you for some reason.”
“Your coach is clueless; he has no idea what he is doing.”
“You are way better than Johnny! I can’t believe he is playing more minutes than you.”
“Did you see how many mistakes Suzie made? I know if you were given the opportunity you would not make those same mistakes.”
Parents will often say these things because they are frustrated, and parents think they are comforting their child by giving them an excuse. What these comments actually do is create a divisive culture within a team. After hearing these negative comments over and over again, the athlete will eventually believe it only to see his or her attitude and effort become negatively affected over time. That athlete turns into a selfish teammate.
Now let’s put yourself in the situation where your child comes home after a game after not playing. What do you say?
The first thing you could do is talk about the game itself. Recount certain plays and make note of individuals who played well for both teams. This initial conversation takes the uncomfortable nature of the situation and sets the stage to talk about how athletes feel about not getting into the game.
There may be times when your child will not want to talk about it because he or she is upset, angry or even embarrassed. These moments of silence give the parents an opportunity to talk about the importance of being a good teammate and how an athlete can have a major impact on the team no matter what role is played. They can teach how to be the first person off the bench to congratulate or give a word of encouragement to teammates. Parents also can point out that the harder athletes work in practice, the better it is going to make the team.
In other words, we have the responsibility as parents to teach our kids the significance of living life pointed out no matter the circumstance. Living pointed out simply means to put others before yourself in everything you do. Finding ways to make the people around you the best they can be. No complaining. No excuses.
Andrew DeWitt played two years of Varsity basketball for me at Hudsonville, and he rarely had the opportunity to play. Unfortunately for him, he was a good player on two really good teams with lots of talent. He understood his role and treated practices like games – playing as hard as he could.
He would elevate the intensity of practice every day. On game nights, he was our biggest cheerleader. His impact went way beyond scoring points or getting rebounds.
Andrew’s parents were great teachers as they guided him through those tough times where it would have been easy to make an excuse or complain. Instead, they taught Andrew he could always have an influence on other people’s lives despite the role he played. What a great lesson that Andrew can carry with him for the rest of his life.
At the end of the day, one thing every parent in every situation can say that will have a positive impact is, “I love you.” Many times athletes think they are letting their parents down because of their lack of playing time. Knowing that their parents love them the same whether they play a lot or not at all has a significant impact on how the student-athlete responds to adversity, and specifically not playing in games.
I challenge all parents to use these potentially negative situations as a way to teach student-athletes valuable lessons on what it means to be a great teammate – and more importantly in teaching them to live their life pointed out. There may not be a simple six-word phrase to say when your child does not play, but there is definitely plenty to talk about.
Wolma has served as Hudsonville's athletic director since 2011 and previously coached boys varsity basketball and girls varsity golf among other teams. He also previously taught physical education and health.
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5 Concussion Myths Debunked
February 28, 2020
Henry Ford Health System
Awareness about the dangers of concussions is at an all-time high. In response, athletic organizations — from Pop Warner football (a nonprofit program for kids 5 to 16) to USA Hockey — have safe-play protocols in place. But misconceptions about injury — prevention, management and return to play — are still all too common.
"It's great that parents, coaches and athletes are focused on the potential for concussions, but they also need to be aware of the complexities involved in evaluating, diagnosing and managing concussion," says Jeffrey Kutcher, M.D., a sports neurologist who treats athletes at the Henry Ford Kutcher Clinic for Concussion and Sports Neurology.
The best way to get the knowledge you need? Learn how to separate fact from fiction.
Separating Concussion Fact From Fiction
Here’s the truth behind five common concussion myths:
Myth #1: Concussions are only caused by blows to the head.
Concussions happen in response to force. While they often result from a blow to the head, they can also occur after a hit to the neck, shoulders or anywhere else on the body. To cause brain injury, the force of the impact only needs to cause the head to move rapidly back and forth (think whiplash from a car crash or a spill down the stairs).
Myth #2: Concussions always involve a loss of consciousness.
A very small percentage of all concussions, 10 percent or less, result in a loss of consciousness. For the remaining injuries, parents, coaches and medical providers should watch for additional symptoms such as:
· Confusion
· Balance problems
· Slurred speech
· Physical complaints including headache, nausea and vomiting.
Myth #3: You should keep a person awake overnight after a concussion has occurred.
It's important to observe and interact with a recently concussed person for the first few hours to recognize the potential signs of a more serious injury. However, if they are interacting normally after four hours, it’s okay to let them sleep. If you have any doubts or questions, always err on the side of caution and seek medical attention.
Myth #4: After a concussion, kids should avoid digital media until they feel better.
Unless digital activities or screen time significantly worsen symptoms, there's no reason to avoid them. "You shouldn't force people who have suffered a concussion to rest too much — or deprive them of sensory input — if they are comfortable engaging in activity," Dr. Kutcher says. What’s more, taking away activities that bring a person joy or keep them socially connected could end up prolonging their recovery by creating additional symptoms.
Myth #5: All physical activity should be avoided after a concussion.
It’s important to rest for the first two to three days after a concussion. However, you need to be careful not to rest too much or avoid all activity for too long.
Engaging in physical, mental and social activities can be beneficial. But knowing how much to do and when to take it easy can be difficult. If you have any questions, consult a sports neurologist for specific recommendations.
Ground Rules for Concussion Prevention and Management
When it comes to preventing concussion, common sense offers the greatest impact, Dr. Kutcher notes. He recommends starting with these four tenets:
- Whenever possible, limit the amount of contact in practices and games.
- Wear proper fitting and certified helmets or other head protection whenever appropriate.
- Spread contact drills out over time as much as possible.
- Practice good technique and play by the rules.
Athletes — especially those who play contact sports — should undergo an annual neurological evaluation that includes a comprehensive, focused neurological history and examination. This information provides a critical point of reference for medical professionals.
Knowing the truth about concussions — including what to watch for and what to do if one occurs — is really the best game plan.
Dr. Jeffrey Kutcher is a sports neurologist at the Henry Ford Concussion and Sports Neurology Clinic and the global director of the Kutcher Clinic.
Want to learn more? Henry Ford Health System sports medicine experts are treating the whole athlete, in a whole new way. From nutrition to neurology, and from injury prevention to treatment of sports-related conditions, they can give your athlete a unique game plan.
Visit henryford.com/sports or call (313) 972-4216 for an appointment within 24 business hours.